May: May 23 - May 31

May 23, 2017

So much for regularity.  I’ve discovered a new holiday today.  It’s the annual, “Take Stephen’s self esteem out behind the shed and bash its head in with a baseball bat,” day. Sigh.  I know I have issues that I need to work on.  The specter of my past, my poor handwriting has cropped up again and I want to improve.  I will be trying to improve it with exercises in the morning, but…after 20 some years, there’s only so much I can do.  And I know I speak Japanese too much.  Trying to cut down on it.  However, when I get roundly roasted for it, and not in the constructive way, it doesn’t make a good recipe for good teaching for the rest of the day. Hell, I’ve been chewed out before and it blows.  It blows hard.  However, I continue on. Even if I have to crawl to the finish line…which is kinda how today ended.  My energy was at an all time low when classes ended.

  This blog is, as it has always been, impartial and is not meant as a place for subtle jabs or spite.  Shit’s sake, I can’t do subtlety.  I’m about as straight an arrow as you can find.  Let me say that someone pushed me today and while it will probably amount to nothing, it made me stumble.  And that’s the end of it. If I don’t improve, I’ll get fired, which is less scary now, but still, I do love living here, even if the job is stressful.  I don’t want to leave.

I’m trying hard to improve, both my teaching methods and from my time as an online teacher.  I had fewer issues to worry about, like writing or material prep or delivery when I was online…but I couldn’t live off the salary. Anyway, I just want to say that today hit an all-time low.  I will do the best I can.  And if it’s not good enough, I’ll…figure something else out.

It always looks bad at first, but somehow, I find a way.

-Samurai Jack

May 24, 2017

Today wasn’t as bad as yesterday, but also not much of an improvement.  I awoke feeling half dead from the previous night’s stress and didn’t do any writing because of my stress levels.  I got some letters addressed and sent out, but other than that, I spent the day resting.  I’m more tired and beaten down than I have been in a while.

Today’s lessons were pretty standard, however I also had an issue where I was being observed by a parent, so a bit more on edge than normal.  The kinder students also really drain you.  Their energy is hard to match.  By god, I did match it, but holy hell did it wear me out. Aside from that, I just feel the lingering criticisms on my back.  I’m practicing my writing every day when I have spare time now and I did most of my classes with no Japanese as an attempt to improve.  It was hard, however.  Harder still is that I want to make improvements to the curriculum or at least create something with my own flavor to it, however my ideas either get scrapped because they were half baked or take a long time to get ready, which is something I don’t have.  I don’t have a lot of time for making new stuff in between regular planning, planning for the following day, and getting material ready.  I also want to give advice to anyone who wants to take an elitist attitude of “Well I could do it.”  That’s fantastic, chappie, but you’re not me and you don’t know what I want to make or how I plan or what I’m dealing with.  So, don’t judge and don’t compare.  As I’ve said, comparisons, fair or unfair, can often be unhealthy.

Gwent’s open beta just went live, however.  I’m going to drown my exhaustion in card games. I will persevere in this until I get more criticisms.  Then I take my hits, limp away wounded, lick my wounds, and come back stronger, if I can. Week’s over half over.  Let’s keep on running.

May 25, 2017

God, so tired…thankfully, Thursday, despite being arguably my longest day, has some of my favorite students.  It was interesting in the late classes and fun in the early classes.  I am still trying to improve, but paperwork really got in the way today, as I have tons of stuff I had to sign myself, fill out myself, etc. etc. for my apartment.  Sigh.  I’m just tired.  So.  Very.  Tired.

What’s worse, the revival of Gwent has kind of killed my interest in it.  In changing how rarity works, they’ve made it prohibitively expensive, tedious, and frustrating to get anything even close to a competitive or fun deck and in a CCG, that’s the kiss of death for me.  I opened like 50 packs because I was in closed beta and got jack crap, while I’m going up against pay to winners who are rolling with a total set.  Time to shelf it.  Probably for the best.  Bloodborne and Wolfenstein arrived today.  I am excited.  I still need to finish Horizon Zero Dawn first, because if I start up Bloodborne before finishing that, god knows, I may never finish it.  Or I may be weak and play them simultaneously, alternating days.  It’ll be a good replacement for the time sink that was Gwent.

I also seem to be making a friend.  We have 4 full time teachers at my school and a number of part timers and I got invited to dinner.  I was already planning to go out, actually, so I convinced my guest to join me for yaki niku tomorrow.  We’ll see how that goes.  If nothing else, he can help me find something besides horumon to eat, which I liked, but was too chewy. One more day to the weekend.  I’m not going to head out for a trip to the bath house or the like, but I will get some pizza, a phone case, and probably soda and supplies from the Yamaya on Saturday. Probably going to buy a fan on Sunday since the humid season in Natori can leave mold growing in your clothes if you don’t dry them fast after a good wash with a fan.  Apparently.  So…Ima do that.

May 26, 2017

Hello, stress dream, I thought you left.  Ugh.  I had another stress dream of me waking up in the US having left this job purely out of stress.  It was terrifying because I abandoned my responsibility and fled.  I…could never do that, but the fact that I did in the dream tore at my heart.  Then I woke up and I was still here in Japan.  A relief, but god it’s exhausted me.

Sadly, with all the stress, the lack of meaningful sleep, the exhaustion, etc. I haven’t found the will to write this week save for some minor editing.  I think that trend will continue today, because I just don’t have it in me.  I need to do some self care and look after my body, with a bit of bed rest before work.  I hate doing this, but I’ve said before, some days you just need to take care of yourself.  Today is one of those days, apparently.

Ugh…so tired…but must write before I forget.  I had a pretty good day today.  Exhausting, but the classes went well and I felt good about teaching them.  After school, I got dinner with a friend at a yaki niku restaurant and we had beef and pig tongue.  My god, so delicious…so very delicious.  I was blown away.  It’s SUPER good.  And I will be going back there again.  A lovely dinner evening.  Sadly, my plans to go to be early were blown apart by Bloodborne.  I enjoyed my time with it, but I will regret this on the morrow.  And now, to bed.

May 27, 2017 – May 28. 2017

Combining days here, since one was eventful and one was not.  I spent my Saturday on a mission for both convenience and food.  I headed down to the Aeon mall and bought myself a fan, which they delivered on Sunday, to dry my clothes in summer to avoid mold growing in them.  I was also looking for a nice phone case to protect my phone.  Sadly, all the cool cases were Iphone only.  I found one that would fit my big clunker and went with it.  It’s a case that you attach your phone to with adhesive, since the backs can be changed it’s not a huge deal, and it can slide out to allow you to take pictures.  We’ll see if this affects its ability to be an alarm as well.  I then headed down to the Turkish/Italian/Japanese pizza place.  Got myself a 4 cheese pizza that had a cream base to it that was exquisite.  After that, I mostly spent time playing Bloodborne, which I fear will replace Horizon Zero Dawn as my game of choice until I finish it It…is just so addictive.  Finally, I got to talk to my best friend, who is swamped, but made time for me, which was very touching.

Sunday was more mundane.  I didn’t get to sleep much because of the previous week’s stress, so I had a hard time sleeping.  I fell asleep around 7 or so and got up around 1.  I decided that tonight, I’d got to bed at a decent hour to try and get back into my routine, so 12:30 or 1.  The fan got delivered, I got KFC, and I played a lot of Bloodborne, relaxed, did laundry, did my writing, and now here I am, writing my journal.  This was a consolidating weekend, so no adventures.  I need to find some sun block when I head to the grocery store tomorrow and figure out what to do about my medicine. Homework never ends, does it?

May 29, 2017-May 30, 2017

Bleh.  It’s been a rough day.  Typically, my beginning and end of the week are easy, but the middle is a rough patch.  I got a surprise level check, so I couldn’t get a bento lunch, but it’s cool.  It’s part of being in this team.  You need to be flexible.  Also, I can handle discipline with like…95% of my students, but there are a few who are just crazy.  Still worried about my teaching methodology, as I think I may need to go a bit slower with the “Tell me about…” with some of my students.  Maybe I’ll put it on the back burner as we review other grammar.  Do some in class, but also do other things.  Still struggling to find a teaching worksheet that I can craft and be happy with.  I have a few basic ones, like matching and pictures combined with the ideas behind some, but…ehhhhhh, I dunno.  I worry I’m not as creative when it comes to the abstract as I am with writing.  For right now, I’m okay, I’m expanding my use of teaching tools and covering some topics earlier than I did before, which is good, the sooner students learn the Wh-?s, the better in my opinion, provided they understand it.

Anyway, this is going to be a moderately stressful week since I have to meet my landlords on Thursday, so I’ll cut this a bit short and just say I love Bloodborne.  It’s got its frustrations, but I have really enjoyed playing it.  My weapon of choice?  The shorn off arm of an elder god.  It makes a handy dandy club and scythe combo.  Really fun souls-like game.  Frustrating, but in a good way.  And that’ll be all for now.

May 31, 2017

I’ve not been planning well when it comes to my time not at work.  At work, I tend to be on the ball, as I plan a day in advance and created a flowchart for how learning should progress.  Next month, I’ll be doing more collaborative planning with the Japanese teachers, so…maybe it won’t be as easy for me, but either way, that’s fine.  At home though, I have trouble writing on days not the weekend.  I’m also having trouble getting to bed on time, as I get engrossed in other activities.  It’s a frustrating affair, and it leads me to sleeping in or to not wanting to do anything before work.  I mean, that’s not bad, it’s nice I have the luxury of being able to do that, however…I also miss writing.

Anyway, I talked with my bosses and their encouragement has been…well…encouraging.  A lot of my bosses have been arbitrary or supportive in a condescending matter, but everyone seems to think I’m doing okay, despite my own misgivings.  I admit that I am getting better, however old neuroses die hard.  Anyway, I think I’ll at least make the year.  I would love to stay longer because holy hell this town is great.  Tomorrow I have a bit of frustration, as I need to meet my landlord for…reasons?  Well, whatever.  Two more days then the weekend.  Two more days then more yakiniku…I am looking forward to it.

Bonus Update: Stephen's Trip to the Sea

Stephen's Trip to the Sea

Okay, so it's the ocean, but that doesn't have the same ring to it, does it.  Here's the short end of it.  I was going to visit some local temples, then get Mcdonalds because it's awesome.  I visited one and then realized, sandy dirt?  I'M CLOSE TO THE OCEAN!  So, I made it my goal of one of the days of Golden Week to head out to the ocean.  Just cause.  Here are the pictures of the journey.

 Welcome to the first and only temple I was able to find on my temple tour

 While it lacks fanfare, it is a beautiful place.

 It was past a graveyard, but it gave a nice atmosphere.  So many beautiful statues and graves here.

 A nice place to rest my feet as I figure out where the hell I'm going

 These kinds of makeshift greenhouses are pretty cool and you can tell that the season for planting is coming.

 I loved the visit to the other side of the bypass as it was a bit more rustic

 Guys...this is where I want to live and die.  A house like this.  In a city like this.  How much do you think it costs?

 Getting closer...EXCITED

 And another cute barricade to add to my collection

 This was a shrine to commemorate the Tsunami and it was a nice find.  Tiny, but really charming

 Yes, I took too many pictures, but...eh, I love it.

 Can you see the barricades and the bay from here?  We're almost to the ocean!

 Not the ocean yet.  This is the bay and I crossed a bridge to get over it towards the ocean.

 Fisherman of the bay.

 That is a pier I can't quite get out to, but you can see the first wave barricades with the jack like things to stop a tsunami

 And here we are.  The bloody ocean.  I rode to it on my bike.

 I look like Guts with the one eye shut. BERSERK REFERENCE!

 Ugh...so not photogenic. But, I needed proof I was here.

From one of the secondary barricades, the view is pretty epic. 

I also rode here all the way on a bike.  So now, Mcdonalds...because I deserve it.

May: May 15 - May 22

May 15, 2017

Not much to report today.  I’m still sick, I went to get groceries today and I headed off for work like normal.  After a shaky week after the holiday, I’ve hit my groove again and today was much easier, even with some problem students.  I found that the plans and layouts I created helped me to plan classes better and while the execution isn’t perfect by a long shot, I feel like I can at least take pride in striding forward again.  I’m working towards success and I’m finding the job less stressful.  Having more students in class helps because it means you have more ideas to bounce around and more variance to work with when practicing.  I feel like now I can finally move forward with a plan for how each of my classes must progress, though I worry that once the Eiken season ends that may fade away, since the Eiken dictates to a degree what some of the higher level students are meant to learn.

I’m feeling more comfortable in this position and while being sick sucks, today at least I didn’t worry about my future.  It seemed as if this place would be my home for a while yet.  Hoping those feelings continue as I progress forward. I really love Natori.  It’s convenient, but also has a lot of its own charms.  That said, I did drop a pretty penny today on food and utilities.  Almost a hundred dollars all told.  Still amazes me you can pay for utilities at the convenience stores though.

Feel like I should add that I had a few more office tasks in between classes today.  Haha, my great gift and my great curse is that if I have time, I love helping people, so I won’t say no if someone asks for help.  I don’t mind though.  I prefer people to be polite and ask me for help rather than outright telling me to do something.  As they say, you get more flies with honey.  Ironically, the only exception to this rule is if my honor supersedes it.  It was frustrating working at my last job to not be able to help students in some ways, like giving them access to the material we worked with, however my previous company was clear that…yeah, don’t do that, so…honor and my work binds me.

May 16, 2017

I think, once again, my new planning system has paid in dividends as I was more prepared for my classes lately and it has given me a more concrete road map for future development.  That said, I have still seen at times my ideas be de-railed.  One class I was with wanted to focus on anime to the exclusion of the lesson’s principals.  I could definitely get them to use some of the language, but the longer the class went on, the more I lost them.  Sure, they were tired and goofy, but I need to be better at maintaining control.  A big thing to remember is it’s okay to like and be friends with the students, but when class starts, they need to be ready for the effort required.  It’s something I know and have practiced in China and stateside, but I need to be more strict about it here, especially when everyone is tired and we just want to be goofy.  Well, at least in these classes we can still get some practice in.

I still marvel at how much I like this town, because it’s been ages since I’ve been able to say I really love the town I live in.  Oh, I’ve loved being close to friends or family, but not the town itself.  Natori is great.  That said, I should probably complain about some of the issues I’ve had and will have.  Apparently rainy season is moldy time, so I need to get a fan for drying my clothes and I need to get stuff to dehumidify the air in my home.  Probably need to also get stuff that will make insects stay away.  I have only seen one or two in my time here, but I don’t know how they got in and I don’t want them making a home here.  More than that, humidity is their breeding season and I will not have a repeat of the fruit fly incident I dealt with stateside…that was a nightmare.  Also, my hot water stutters and decreases in pressure for some reason until I twist the facet to a certain degree.  It’s annoying. And I’m a tad worried.  It’s just that in most of my homes I come home and there is a smell.  When you can identify it, that at least makes it understandable, but I come home after my work day and there’s a smell…it goes away after a few minutes and with my A/C on, so nothing’s dead, but…hmmm…could be the tatami, still, not sure.

Well, my concerns aside, it was a good day for connecting with friends and family.  I managed to talk to my best friend this morning, though I feel like I run out of things to talk about at times, which is sad because I could just spend an hour saying I miss you and I want you to come visit.  Well, I also got a letter from another traveler.  Say hey to the elephant for me.  It was nice getting the letter and when I have some time, I need to send a return one.  We’re going to be both online pals and pen pals, hehe.

May 17, 2017

Not much to report today.  I had to catch myself for a moment with something small.  I’m used to people being snide and mean about me.  It’s something I’ve dealt with since I was a kid.  So much so that it’s hard at times to tell where wholesome criticism ends and snarky elitism begins.  Today, I just needed to remind myself that regardless, it doesn’t matter.  Take the critique for what it is.  If it’s anything more than that, it doesn’t need to affect you.  You’re better than that and better than holding grudges or letting people rattle you.  It’s just an interesting thing I need to remind myself off.  I find it interesting because I have to pep talk myself, like you might see in anime, like where Piccolo tells himself he can do it in DBZ.  For me, it really helps, but I tend to leave that to when no one is around.  People are welcome to think I’m strange, but I’d rather at least get my class planning and material creation done with the minimum of questions.

I also did some house cleaning today.  I got a bit of a scare last night about how futons left out, like I do, can get dust mites or whatever if you don’t air them out in the sun.  So, I did that while I was swiffering and vacuuming my house. I’ll probably try to do this every month or so.  It takes about an hour to two hours to clean my home, what with the airing out, so…not too bad.

Aside from that, class planning is much easier for me now that I’ve laid out the path I need to take with teaching students.  It’s easier to drill both elementary and high schoolers and while I need to make new materials if I want to help out my students, some helpful fact sheets for tenses or ideas would be nice, things are going well.  I must say though…the kindergarten kids can wear you out.  Hooooo boy, am I tired.

May 18, 2017

Hard to put feelings into the proper place today.  I’m doing fine and my curriculum is shifting to fall in line with what is needed here.  It’s still a bit rough, however.  I’m not as good as my peers, as we’ve discussed and I really need to stop comparing myself to others.  Today, if nothing else, has helped me realize that my way is not their way and that doesn’t need to be a bad thing.  Either way, just tired from…personal stuff.

I had some good classes today.  I always get a kick out of my students who are really driven, either to learn or to have a conversation.  Because that energy helps to feed your own desire to teach.  Some of my favorite students have this and while Thursday is a late night for me, very exhausting, it tends to have my favorite students as well, so…it’s been a good day. 

That said, I’m super tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night…the new Gwent Open Beta…oh man, the news…and I felt a bit bad for not getting all my writing done.  I got a pittance done, maybe 30 minutes worth?  I’m falling behind because I’ve been sick and exhausted.  Still, like I’ve said before, gotta take care of your body some days.  Hoping to talk to my family tomorrow with a special guest.

May 19, 2017

Not too much to say today.  Fridays are always a bit weird because while the day itself is pretty easy, it’s that last guffaw of work before you have the sweet release of home.  Anyway, I built a few worksheets to help with comparatives, using the adjective pictures we have as a base.  Not sure if they work super well, since I only used them with one class, but hell, give the students something to take home.  It will help them study.  Hoping to set up a time to play mahjong with one of the other teachers, as it’s something I know how to play, but I’ve never been able to understand in terms of scoring, so…we’ll see.

Talked with my god mom and family as well today.  It was really nice, since I love and miss them all.  They helped me feel better about my situation and they’re proud of me, which always feels nice.

After lessons, I went to a yakiniku bar I’d found while searching online.  I got horumon, grilled intestine, and carrot.  It was a bit nerve wracking since you cook these things right in front of you on a grill that is gas powered and you know how I feel about gas.  Still, while the horumon was a bit too chewy for my liking, it was…a nice slice of Japanese culture, since they had enka in the background.  I might go back again.  I want to try some of their other stuffs, since the sauce was really good.  I’ll head out next Friday, maybe, and see how it goes.  I should just accept something for myself that will be fun once or twice even during the work week.

Today, I also finished my favorite game ever, ODIN SPHERE SO GOOD, and got to talk to some of my favorite people.  Despite the stress and challenges of my job, it was a very good day.

May 20, 2017

Headed into the mountains today.  Not much to say.  I followed the road up until it started to go down and after pushing my bike all the way up, decided I didn’t want to go down, then push it up again to get back home.  Beautiful mountains though.  I took a few pictures, but not many.  Either way, I headed back to the bathhouse.  It’s an expensive treat for me but I do enjoy it.  I discovered the boiling urns and the frigid pools today.  See, bathhouses have pools of varying temperatures and purposes.  I’ve been in the sauna-like pools and the jet pools and the warm to hot still pools, but I haven’t been brave enough to try the boiling urns yet, which is not the real name but shut up, where the water is super hot and always overflowing.  I did try the frigid pool today and after a hot soak, wow…it was a bit painful.  I got soba afterwards which was surprisingly good.  Soba is cold noodles, though you can get it hot, and it’s refreshing after a hot soak.  I should also mention that, while I have been keeping a food diary, since these entries are so much more detailed, I may let that fall off, since I seldom ever do it the day I eat the food, so it’s all from memory.  Anyway, I headed home after that and decided to veg.

I’m thinking that my weekends will always have me going out for something, either a short ride for food or an adventure, but it will seldom ever be all day.  2-3 hours is a good time to be out and about, the rest of the time, I would rather rest and enjoy life in the quiet of my home with the joys of my games and my good friends online(also family.) Also, I think I god sunburned on this journey.  Yaaaaay.

May 22, 2017

Ugh…somedays, brain no work well.  I know I need to cut down on my Japanese in class, but at times when you get overwhelmed by so much from your students, you just default to it. I don’t consider it a big deal, since my drills, exercises, etc. were all in English, however I hate making that mistake.  I didn’t have this issue later in the day, but it’s frustrating when you stumble.  Aside from that, little else to report. I feel like I might be becoming the serious teacher due to my focus on grammar in my later classes.  Still creating some new materials and I’ve gotten good news from my bosses saying I haven’t been complained about yet, which puts my mind at ease, somewhat. Today, the students started to freak out about a teeny tiny bug and…I just squashed it.  Because in NC, we have palmetto bugs a few inches long.  Harmless, but creepy.  This bug is nothing.

It's starting to heat up here and I have to admit, I don’t care for it. Might not go out for as many trips on the weekends, however whatever.  As long as I can enjoy life here, it’s no big deal.  I can still make my home cool.  And I’ve run out of things to say…so I may space out my publications of blog posts in the future.  Life has hit regularity here, hehe.

May: May 8- May 14

May 8, 2017

            You can tell it’s Monday and after a vacation at points.  I actually thought that I’d done pretty well today…maybe I did…but some of my students were really dragging their feet after the holiday, so I had to hold their hand a bit.  There seem to be a few students still on holidays or on school trips, so the classes were thinned greatly, though the number of total classes I taught remained unchanged. It just made it a bit harder at points.  Getting better with the younger students, as I’ve found a few more tricks to keep up interest and to keep them moving and working.  Hoping for more.  I created that second modular exercise I talked about earlier.  The first one was small talk amongst friends, this one is asking a stranger for help/information.  I think it’s a bit more useful for those seeking to travel or do homestays.  I’ve had to shelve it for today though, since the classes were so thin.  Maybe tomorrow or the day after.  Most disappointingly is that taboo hasn’t really hit off.  It’s a fun game if you can get a decent number of people working on it, but the small number coupled with my students’ hesitance has made me think I ought to shelf it for good…I am unsure.  I’ll run it in my stronger classes and see how it goes. I went in to school today with less worry.  Not sure if it’s still gone, but I am definitely tired.  I must also still be dragging after the holiday.  Well, the honeymoon is over, as they say.  Now, the real work begins. It’s nothing I can’t handle, though.  I just hope I live up to the standards set for me.

May 9, 2017

            Not sure why, but today hit me with more stress than ever.  It wasn’t too different from yesterday, to be honest.  Some good classes, some difficult classes, me trying to improve my game as a teacher, but when it was all said and done, I just felt…drained.  Exhausted.  I guess, like the students, I’m dragging my feet after vacation.  It’s nice that some of my cohorts have said with a few of the difficult classes that it’s not all on me.  Many students just don’t want to try and that frustrates me, since in my previous environment, there was a lot more commitment, largely because the students themselves were paying.  Still, I never lose my cool in class.  The instant you lose your cool, you’re done as a teacher.  While I may end up stressed and drained, in class I have the patience of a saint.  Well, not much to do but ride through people’s exhaustion and lethargy after the golden week vacation. 

I have a plan to go buy some tatami mats to sleep on on Thursday and I have hopes that I’ve made the right choice, so that that will help with me getting more rest and being less drained.  I also want to write tomorrow, but I need to accept that at times, taking care of my body takes priority over desires. I might need it just for rest.  We’ll see if it’s a day like that.

            I had a sad moment today, as well.  It’s my own doubt in the sincerity of others.  While I have some I can trust unquestioningly, I do still question at times.  It’s a leftover.  A neurosis from my childhood.  It’s frustrating because while I feel I can be trusted without any doubts, I know that people will always have the same reservations about me that I do about them.  It’s…human nature, I guess.  True, we push on through to try and forge bonds, but I want to believe in other people.  Despite the claims of some that I am a gloomy person, I’d say I have more faith in people than most.  Largely because I want to believe that people are better than life often proves them to be.  Well, anyway, I had one of those moments.  Honestly, when you have them you have to just push through.  Once teaching starts, you have no time for such feelings.  Students take priority.

            Oooo!  Since I’m talking classes, I want to say that I did have a class today that I felt showed real improvement and an overall desire to improve.  I was so proud of them because they’ve both struggled and are dealing with the basics, but they were so invested.  A lot of classes end up being good, either because of high energy, fun times with the students, or just students getting a concept, but I always find the most pride when the students have their own drive.  Sometimes you have to hold their hand and sometimes you all race towards self-improvement neck and neck.

May 10, 2017

            Doing okay with my classes, but I feel it’s only just okay.  Trying not to compare myself to the other teachers but they have a lot more hand craft stuffs they can use. One of them is really good at drawing and knowing my own shortcomings in that area, I feel just a bit inferior.  Something has definitely hit me with the stress feelings, as I’m tired even on a night like this, which was pretty light.  Maybe I’m getting sick?  I have been coughing a bit.  I’ve hit my stride with younger classes and I’m doing okay with my older elementary classes as well.  It’s not what I would call my best work, again, still trying to improve, but I feel some sense of regularity with the classes, which helps things feel more natural.  We have had a lot of irregularity with students being on trips or cancelling.  Ironically, I think that it has been good for some of the weaker students because the additional teacher attention really let a few of them show that they can do very well when pushed.  I was pleased with some of it.  I do need to work on more activities.  I feel like I’m always coming up a bit short.  Not in my elementary classes anymore, I have plenty of things to do, but in the junior high and high school classes.  Again, working on it.  It’s hard to know how much I am teaching them is new and how much is review, because some of these students have been with the school for a long, long time.

            Anxiety is a big problem with me still.  I’m taking it as best I can, one day at a time.  There may not be a solution to this other than to just push on through until routine replaces anxiety and I know I will continue because that is normality now.  I definitely burn through a bit too much energy early on.  To keep up with the kindergarten and the younger elementary school kids, you’ve really got be a showman.  It helps that when I get to the older groups I can be a bit less spastic and wittier, but that is one reason I might be so tired.

            Finally, I found that I had a sunburn on my head today.  There was some flaking near my scalp.  I…REALLY must have rode hard during the vacation.  I was out and about every day on my bike for at least a little bit so…I guess it took its toll on me.  Been a while since I had to deal with a scalp sunburn.  I don’t have burns anywhere else, either.  I must be quite a sight.

May 11, 2017

            The closest I’ve come to a real angry spell came today.  I got up early, walked to a store I knew, and bought a tatami mat to sleep on.  Because tatami is awesome and super comfy, or it was six years ago at least.  I had to carry it home, in a gale, and was so scared it would rip or bend or break.  I was drenched in sweat and bordering on unable to see with the sweat in my eyes.  I was mad, tired, and frustrated.  I also did all this before lunch.

            So that was fun.  The tatami feels pretty good.  I’ll need a night or two to know if it was worth the 50 dollars I dropped on it.  I had work after that.  Not sure if it’s stress or what, but I’ve been coughing lately and feeling more winded.  I think I might have a bug or just be worn down.  I feel a bit sick.  Either way, not much to say today.  I continue to be self-conscious, because while I don’t believe I’m a bad teacher, I also don’t think I’m a good enough teacher, at least not on the level of my peers.  I know, I know, I mustn’t compare myself to others, it’s not healthy and I am trying to improve in my own ways, but I guess it’s the dichotomy between those who have experience with children and those with more limited experience to the youngsters. I want to be where my peers are.  I can handle the younger ones easy enough and those dedicated in the upper levels love me, but it’s hard with those who lack the drive.  My time in China definitely spoiled me a bit since like 90-95% were dedicated, which helped their learning A LOT.  I love living here, but this job will be challenging.  Not bad, mind you, but challenging for how different it is for me.  Heh, it only took me a month or two to realize that.  Anyway, we’re preparing for the Eiken here, which is an English proficiency test students end up taking, so I’m focusing more heavily on listening.  Not sure if the students like it, but they do need it and this, at least, I have the voice for.  I speak clearly and enunciate with the skill of a pro.  Not too toot my own horn or anything, haha…I should do that more often, but you don’t want to get a swelled head.

            I actually got asked to help out with some smaller level office tasks today and was reminded of my time working in the law office.  Some might think those things, like labeling envelopes, is menial, but I had spare time and honestly, something I can do without thinking too much is nice sometimes.  Gives me a zen head space. Teaching is an ever evolving exercise, so you don’t ever have the luxury of turning your brain off with it.  You gotta be ready for whatever the kids and fate throws at you.

May 12, 2017

            One small step for Stephen, one giant leap for Stephen’s life.  Today, I’ve been mostly working on a timeline of progress the students need to follow to make sure they are ready by the time they graduate.  It goes from the basic to the advanced, as is pre-ordained by the Eiken.  It’s not perfect yet, but it’s a good start to letting me know what I need to teach students who have reached a certain level. I like it here, so if this makes my day to day work a bit easier and planning less hectic, I’ll gladly devote up to a whole week getting this thing made properly.  Just to be clear, this is a planning tool for me, not something I’m giving to the students.

I also got a package from one of my friends in Japan.  It had, OMG I JUST OPENED IT UP AND IT HAS A TOTORO PLUSH COIN PURSE AND A TOTORO BOWL AND- okay, I’m better.  A friend from way back sent me this with a letter. I am…kinda surprised this came along, honestly.  She’s lovely and has been a great help to me, but I guess I don’t expect people to…show that, you know?  It’s kind of a given, at least for me.  You do the right thing because why would you not?  But this was a nice surprise.  Also, her care package was loaded with snacks.  I think Japan is trying to get me fat…and failing, because it’s nowhere near as fatty as America.

Did a bit of comparison between my journals now and my journals in China and during the adjustment phase they were much shorter.  I’m…kinda super surprised because that’s not my style.  Anyway, I imagine it was similar to what I’m dealing with now, like those feelings of doubt and the like, but…I just don’t know.  It’s been a long week, so I intend to send off my weekly report to my boss, thank my friend for her kindness, and then head off to bed.  See you!

May 14, 2017

Ugh…I’ve been sick for the last few days, but it really hits me how unpleasant it is when you’re stuck at home.  See, I was going to go riding on my bike on Saturday, but it was raining all day.  So, instead I ran errands to get more soda and it took far too long.  I was hot, wet, the wind kept trying to blow my umbrella away and I was weighted down with food stuffs.  I am spending more money than I want.  I’m also sick, so what with the rain, I’ve just wanted to stay home rather than go out and do stuff.  And the rain continued into Sunday.  I wanted to bike today, but I couldn’t…so I walked to a game store, bought Horizon Zero Dawn, because I will play it eventually and it came with a free art book, and got lunch at the Kappazushi, which gives you a roulette chance for trinkets every five plates of sushi you eat.  I tried with ten plates and still got zilch.  Ugh…I went home and rested for pretty much the rest of the day.  I’ll have a busy week, so I am just a bit tired from thinking about it.  Gonna try more skyping with others, since I couldn’t do that this weekend.  I did do some writing, but I’m also out of food, so groceries need to come soon, rain or not…if it’s raining tomorrow, I might give it a few more days, since I can always get a cheap meal at the 711.  I still like living here, but this has been a meh weekend.  Or as a friend of mine and I call it, a beige weekend.  In the beige.  You know who you are.

The gift basket my friend gave me has been good though.  It makes me feel a bit better about the frustration I’ve dealt with. I also am trying to send something to Japan from Amazon…godspeed, Bloodborne.

Bonus Update: Sendai City Loople Line

Okay, so these are all the photos I took on my trip through Sendai.  I headed on the Loop bus and stopped at three places, so without further ado, let's get to it.

Always love me some Jizos.  They are protectors of children and pregnant women and are shown respect with these red aprons and hats as gifts.

 Welcome to Date Masamune's Mausoleum

 There were several temples and historical sites connected to the mausoleum, so I got to see some cool architecture and stuffs like that.

 I'm a sucker for screens with paintings like this that show a city or landscape.

 I love Japanese style artwork, especially these older ones.

 Beautiful chandeliers of bells and the like.

Another thing I'm a sucker for is a Diorama 

 Also gates.  I love gates.

Good lord, so many stairs... 

 It is customary to clean your hands before proceeding, because you are passing into a sacred place after you go through a tori gate.

 The tributes here are beautiful

 Also, very detailed.

Nature at work.  Sendai truly is a beautiful place. 

Three feudal lords are laid to rest here and I saw their tombs. 

Lords and their retainers both are laid to rest 

 Very pretty

 Sucker for maps...

 This awning is a kind of rest spot I really love.  I'd like one of my own, honestly.

 Date Masamune himself.  An imposing and powerful feudal lord.

Sendai city from up at Aoba Castle's site. 

Love dioramas 

I forget why, but this eagle statue is super cool. 

Lots of prayer artifacts at the shrine in Sendai castle. 

 The shrine itself is really cool

 By now, everyone knows of my love for a good bridge.

And another tori gate. 

 This is the last stop on my Sendai tour and it's to the Osaki shrine.

 With more tori gates to separate the real from the fantastical

So...many...stairs... 

 The shrine is actually pretty low key.  It's a pretty place, nice to visit, but quiet and not as frequented as you might think.

It's a shrine of some sort, but not sure why I took the picture.  Probably just pretty.

In later weeks, I'll show off my beach trip, but this is already a long post, so for now, that's all!