April
5, 2017
Today,
I headed out to an internet café to speak with my family via email and
facebook. It was more trouble than I
thought, since I had to get a membership card, however it all worked out in the
end and I got an hour and a half of precious internet. Pity it was spent looking over mobile
carriers in Japan to try and find who to go with. Thinking I have to go with Softbank if I want
facetime and to video call my best friend.
Whatever…it’s only money. I got
ramen afterwards, like I said I would, and went grocery shopping. Cooking is still a bit intimidating for me,
since I’m in survival mode, so I picked up some drinks, some ready made food
for tonight’s dinner, and some small stuff I can cook without any issues. Probably tomorrow’s lunch. Japanese grocery stores blow American stores
out of the water with prepared food that is cheap ready to eat, and of
startling variety, like tempura, spaghetti and tonkatsu. In many ways, it’s a wonderland, however I
was low on time, so I picked up only some basics.
One
thing I will say is I am sick of the computers here because the space bar is
super duper tiny and I’m not used to typing with computers like that. Also, because of the use of Japanese
characters, I have to caps lock my words to not use hiragana when using a
Japanese computer and the punctuation symbols are in weird places. There is no @ and apostrophes are lost to me
here. I’m…mostly sticking to this
computer for my serious typing because it’s what I’m comfortable with.
Keeping
this short since I just got in from work and am basically dead on my feet. I feel a bit frustrated because while I have
the experience, building confidence takes time and since this is a different
kind of curriculum to what I did before, I have to learn new habits, unlearn
old habits, and not re-learn bad habits.
The kids are balls of energy and I need to try and match their level, to
make them laugh, be engaged, but also to learn.
It will be an adjustment period, since I’ve taught a few kids, but I’m
mostly used to adults. Still, a lot of
the same rules apply. My boss has been
good about all this and I’ve learned while watching him teach as well as taken
criticism gracefully. Better than my
boss in China, I’ll say that much. I feel jealous of those who are already used
to it, but not maliciously so. I want to
be better is all. I know, however, that it will take time. I have to consign myself to that and just
make peace with it, because as neurotic as I can be at the best of times, it’s
worse when under stress…and right now, the most important thing for me is
getting into the swing of the new schedule, which my body is still getting used
to, and surviving until internet. That
internet café provided me with a lot of relief, but I can’t do it every
day. Ten dollars for an hour and a half
of internet is just too much. Yes, that was the actual cost. Once I’ve got my footing and once I’ve had
time to adjust, I know all this will come.
I adapt. I survive. I endure.
It’s a trait I inherited from my father and my mother. And one I’m quite proud of.
April
6, 2017
Not
so much to report today. I’ve been
wanting more and more sleep, probably due to me being run a bit ragged getting
setup over the last week and my general lack of sleep before coming to
Japan. I got a bit paranoid about my
apartment being unlocked so I used my only break of the day to head home and
check…thankfully, I was wrong. Turns out
I found my mail box…full of the last teacher’s soggy, out of date mail. Charming.
Into the burn pile it goes. And
no, I’m not joking. Trash is divided to
an almost obsessive degree here. We got
burnable, plastic, bottles, heavy paper, cardboard, milk cartons(yes really,)
all of which need to be separated and bagged in different groups. Ugh…it’s a pain. I got a taste of what will soon be the
norm. True, four and a half hours isn’t
as bad as in China, but it’s in a big clump that worries me. Still, I’ve done six hours at a time, so I
can handle most things. Mostly, I’m just
tired. I will say I got my boss to show
me how to do a few things today and each time it’s like watching a mix between
a drill sergeant and a magician. He can
hold a class of children in the palm of his hand, keep their interests up, and
get them to excel. It’s…like a kind of
magic. Working on that myself. Some classes are better than others, but at
least I can get a few more laughs and engagement at times. Some days, you do just have to slog through
and hold people’s hands though. It’s
just the nature of the work. Still no
residence card, which means…no internet.
Good god…it’ll get sorted out eventually, but still…frustrating to a
huge degree. Also, I have work on
Saturday, so my recovery time is again limited.
True, it’s only for a short period, but since I met my boss last Saturday,
I’ve been moving at light speed to get things sorted out. Okay, not light speed. It’s all manageable, but the first few weeks
are always rough as I have to get the paperwork sorted out. Still hoping it will all be over before the
end of next week.
April
7, 2017
I’m
getting there, as far as this new teaching style goes. The problem is that neuroses die hard. When I taught adults, I knew what I was doing
from over two years of experience. Now,
I’m new, so I have the same problem I had when I was in China. That lingering fear that I’m going to be
fired for not meeting my employer’s desires.
Ironically, my boss, who’s a great guy if he’s reading this(I kid. My bosses are great all around.) told me
stories about how other teachers, not from this school but in general, tend to
screw up more as people than as teachers.
Since I’m on the straight and narrow, as long as I take my criticism
gracefully and strive to improve, like I did in China, I should be fine. Still, there’s no telling what can
happen. I might just have a bunch of
classes who hate me, so…well, we’ll see. It’s a bit depressing to know that this awaits
me at any job I go to from here on, because twice is a pattern…I don’t like the
feeling of not knowing if I can succeed.
Logically, I can. Done it before,
I can do it again. But that stress and
fear that you’ll just disappoint and fail…it follows you. Still, beats looking for work. That’s REALLY depressing. Once I get my legs, I’m sure things’ll be
fine. I’m still trying to adjust, after
all. After this week ends, I’ll probably
space out entries a bit more. The worst
of the depression has passed, now I’m just moving into frustration from lack of
internet. Especially when I hit a brick
wall with a game. Dammit, Dragon
Quest…Anyway, enjoying life a bit more in terms of work and food, regularity
helps, and adjusting. Hopefully, I can
get the last stuff I need settled soon, like my bank account, internet, and the
like.
April
8, 2017
So
tired. Did some exploring and road to
the Aeon mall and back for some groceries and takoyaki/taiyaki. Then I went to the internet café again to contact
family and get some much needed data.
Data on what it would be to buy a PS4 and TV here, as well as to get
through Dragon Quest 7, which is pissing me off with how cryptic the designers
made it. And again, it could be a month
or longer before I have internet. After
that, I had to attend a party at work.
It was a party for older students and alums. While fun, I was on my feet for five hours
after two separate bike trips and I ate too much, leaving me with a wicked stomach
ache. I admit, I’m less than enchanted
with my situations. I started moving on
April 1st and have been running full tilt till today. It’s past midnight now and god willing, I
will just rest and finally get around to decorating my house in the morning. I just want some time to consolidate
everything. That’s all. My legs hurt.
My feet hurt. My stomach
hurts. So, now I’m going to lie down.
April
9, 2017
Taking
an easy day today. Not going out, just
going to rest and decorate the house.
I’ve had some thoughts I wanted to share lately. First, whenever someone says, “It could be
worse,” or wants to make light of your situation…a person can do that because
it’s their situation, but as I’ve told my Chinese students, it’s often a bad
idea for another person to say, “Don’t worry,” as that makes someone else’s
fears and concerns seem less valid. I’ve
seen this a lot, both in person and online and it frustrates me a lot. My situation isn’t terrible, but it’s not good
either, since I’m still cut off from people I love and access to the internet
at large.
Next
thought. I really hate modded cars. The walls of my home are very thin and I can
hear regular cars outside when they pass by, so modded cars who sound like
they’re spitting fire or grinding a pig into dust between their gears are
especially frustrating when I’m trying to sleep. I understand buying a big car
or an expensive car, but do you have so little to do that you must make a car
which disturbs others just to show off how much money or whatever you
have? Really?
Final
thought. I had a strange dream this
morning. It was where I still had
classes tomorrow, but I was in the US with my family. All I could think about was scrambling to try
and get back to Japan and the sadness I had for giving up what I have now and
for how far I’ve come. True, it could
mean I cling a bit too much to the moment, but I tend to think these kinds of
ideas stem from an idea that I really do want to be here. As hard and as worrying as some of what I do
is, I do enjoy it and the schedule may be awkward, but I’ve been getting good
sleep for the first time in a long while.
I don’t want to give that up. I’m not used to stress based dreams,
actually, they don’t happen very often for me.
As such, I’m not sure what to make of this one.
Either
way, random thoughts over. I am going to
shower and consolidate my household.
Take care of the trash needing to be separated, decorate, wash clothes,
etc. And then I can lie down for an
early night. I have lots planned for
next week.
Ugh…Dragon
Quest 7, you have a lot of problems and it took me far too long to finish
you…60 hours…ugh…felt like 120. I seriously thought of 100 ways the game could
have been improved and streamlined in the last two days alone. I’m grateful my best friend gave it to me
though. Kept me busy during the
depressing times here while I was adjusting to Japan. I’m finally done, but I do have
just…one…question. Why is it that even
after reviving the four spirits of the elements, saving the world and killing
THE DEVIL HIMSELF, people still treat me like a shmuck and chastise me for
sleeping late or supposedly slacking off.
I just saved the entire planet!
Cut me some slack!
April
10, 2017
First
night without too much sleep. I think I
slept too much yesterday to make up for a previous deficit, but…whatever. So…I bought a TV today. It’s getting delivered on Saturday. Mixed feelings here. One of the things I promised myself here in
Japan was to not have a miserable gaming experience, meaning I need a TV and
PS4. I just feel mixed because I still
don’t have my bank card, so this is basically still coming out of my savings
from the states. Ugh. Either way, I saw the TVs and…when my dad and
I bought me one after high school you got either CRT or LCD. We bought a nice, big CRT for about 180
dollars. These days, you pick size, but
also do you want usb, lan, hdd connections, do you want it to have integrated
youtube or Netflix? I…just feel really
disconnected from these kinds of TV sales.
I just want a TV. A TV to play games on.
Anyway, I bought a 40 inch TV for about 370 dollars, including
delivery. No real bells and whistles. I
feel like I’m a bit misinformed about prices, but I feel like I spent more than
I should for a tv of that size. Yes, it
is flat screen and it has hdmi connectors for a PS4, but…eh, whatever. Worry about it later. For now, I just want to relax and game…once
my TV arrives. Actually, getting ready
for work as I write this. First week
with my boss being back in the States, so…I need to show my stuff. Got a few ideas for improving my classes. We’ll see how it pans out.
Welp,
back from classes. Still having trouble
with my elementary classes. I try to
make it fun and be funny and charming, but also teach good grammar points and
the students only care about the games.
Not surprising, I guess, but…discouraging. The junior high and high school classes are
better. I have a bit more charisma and
am able to joke a bit and I’ve tried to create some templates that help out a
lot. It’s modular and while I need to
make it prettier and more streamlined, it’s something I can give to the
students to have them practice with each other and create their own
language…and it kinda works. I so hope
this keeps working out. Today was a
trial run and now I want to see how well it works with tomorrow’s lessons. Also, I inexplicably forgot how to spell
tomorrow today…no, really…it was weeeeeeeeeeeird. Still love teaching kinder age classes. The 4-5 year olds can be easily distracted,
but they’re more willing to be silly, do charades and games, and practice with
the flash cards. They are also so bloody
cute. Wish I had more of the kinder
classes, honestly. Love my kinder and
junior high to adult classes.
April
12, 2017
It
was rainy yesterday and so windy today that I almost got pushed off my
bike. It’s getting closer to rainy/windy
season. I bought a game today for the
PS4 that should have English support…we’ll see.
If it works, I know I can play some Japanese games in English, but I
won’t know until I get my TV on Saturday.
I plan to buy a PS4 tomorrow.
It’s a bit worrisome. The phrase,
what if you fail, is always in the back of my mind. I put a lot of money into this venture, after
all and while I will get paid soon…it’s concerning if things go south. Fortunately, I have a strong constitution
like my father. I don’t let fear get in
the way of doing what needs to be done.
I promised myself this time I wouldn’t be timid and wait for things to
improve or just scrape by like I did in China.
I’m going to enjoy myself here and a PS4 is a good way to pass time
until I eventually get my internet connected.
On an
unrelated note, I tried KFC here today.
Good stuff, similar to China, with less focus on the fatty breaded
chicken. It’s still there, but you have
more meat and less breading. Better than
the US by far. Still, I need to adjust
to size proportions. A small is almost
always enough. I don’t need a large.
April
13, 2017
Welp,
I’ve bought a PS4. Now, if only the
worrying would stop. I did my research
and I should be able to switch the language of the system itself and several
games to English, for my personal enjoyment.
I bought Doom which should have full English Support, but I can’t help
but worry I dropped 300 dollars on the PS4 and 400 dollars on the TV
for…nothing. It will probably work out,
but one way or another, the die is cast.
Frustrating
side note. I’ve survived for almost a
year and a half with six hours a night’s sleep and a nap later in the day, but
now that I’m in Japan, I’m wanting more and more sleep…like today, I lounged
about in bed for almost 10 hours from when I went to sleep. It’s weird…I’m not used to getting lots of
sleep nor needing or wanting more after getting said large amount of
sleep. Also, I keep waking up at weird
hours, so maybe I’m not getting enough REM sleep, I dunno. Also, I had to move my entire room around
last night because the walls here are so damn thin. I could hear a tv or game on the other side
of the wall as I was laying down to sleep, so now my bed is against the corner
where there is nothing, just outside. I
think this actually makes it colder, but…well, frustrating or not, this is the
reality of having to sleep here.
Hopefully I can get Doom up and running on Saturday, when my TV is set
for delivery.
Finally
got my resident card in the mail.
Tomorrow, I am going to try and get my bank information set up, get my
working cell phone, and get internet set up for set up. Fingers crossed. In other news, one of my students bragged on
me to one of the other teachers, saying she liked my classes. It’s heartening. It really is.
I have a better rapport with the older students who I’ve been trying to
start up a casual conversation practice as part of our routine. I’m doing okay with the kinder classes, but I
still need to get my footing with the elementary levels. I’m scared that despite my efforts to
improve, I’ll come up short. Still, no
one knows my faults like me and I want to improve so…all I can do is use the
resources available to me and try to do the best I can. I need to remember this is a process. I have experience teaching adults, so that’s
why the older students are easier to engage with. I still need to adapt to teaching the
youngsters. As for the really young
kids, it’s a lot like being with my niece.
Their energy is infectious, and with the right exercises, you can match
or even exceed their own(exceeding is uncommon though. The kids are wired.)
Fun
fact. I bought bacon carbonera and squid
at a convenience store for dinner tonight.
Surprisingly the squid was poor(because it’s Japan, even the convenience
stores have great food.) Unsurprisingly, the carbonera was amazing(because in
Japan, even the convenience stores have great food.)
April
14, 2017
Second
week over. It’s been up and down,
honestly. Some classes have gone really
well and some have been a struggle.
Either way, I am trying to improve.
Need to work on controlling the unruly better and engaging my students
in different ways, as I feel I don’t have enough variety in my activities.
Today, I got my bank
account set up, which was nice.
Unfortunately, it took so long that I didn’t get time to set up my
internet today, so…it will have to be next week. I could be angry, but why bother? It’s not as if that will make it better. At this point, just taking things in stride.
I felt a bit sorry for the banker. He
was a nice fellow, but seemed so nervous and we had to redo a few things
because of my crazy name and the rules of Japanese banking. But it was finished in the end and I finally
have a way to get paid.
What I am unsatisfied
with are my dreams. I’ve had far too
many stress related dreams lately.
Dreams of being fired or late to class or something like that where I
wake up but it was so vivid that it was terrifying. It’s not often I have these and yet so many
have hit me since arriving. The night of
the 14th, since today is the 15th, was the first night I
had real trouble sleeping, as well. Not
sure if it was due to the heat, as it was a much warmer night, or what,
but…frustrating. I should also touch on
the fact that when I woke up stateside, my hair might be disheveled, but
nothing a quick brush down couldn’t fix.
Every morning I wake up here, I look like a DBZ character with my hair
sticking out at impossible angles. I
have no idea why.
I did one set of writing
since arriving in Japan, but I haven’t had the time or energy for it since
then, which is depressing. Once I get
all the paperwork done with, I want to go back to writing. It’s not as if I need to go out and explore
or go out and get food or whatever, every day.
Some mornings, I can just wake up and write…at least, I hope. I miss my stories. I miss writing. I need to get back into the habit.
