Christmas
update
Not sure if I’ll keep up
with regular updates, but I feel that something should be said so that I don’t
forget. There’s still a lot of
uncertainty in my life, however I’ve come to some interesting realizations. For those who missed the memo, since my home
is only insulated in my room, the kitchen and bathroom are freezing. So, few people can understand the majesty of
my cushioned and fur toilet seat that looks like a Scottish kilt. Hehe, not even kidding, it’s really
wonderful.
Now, trivial matters
aside, I’ll say that I’ve felt more alive than I have in a damned long
time. Not entirely sure why, but I have
my theories. Part of it is that I’m
getting back into something resembling a decent sleep schedule. Part of it is that the Witcher 3, which,
while fun, has been a life consuming endeavor, is almost over. I’m almost finished with it. And part of it is encouragement.
I’ve had good friends and
family, people who want me to keep going, but professionally, I’ve seldom
gotten the encouragement I needed. I
won’t really say much beyond that, but I feel positive about my work. I may not be able to stay on for the next
year, but regardless, I still feel good.
I’ve realized what I fear beyond most things is the unknown. Having even some knowledge about how I’m
doing is like a candle that I can focus on and it makes me feel good about
life. Which is, in a strange way, cyclical. You feel good about yourself, you feel good
about your work, you feel good in general.
It’s…nice.
I’ve realized my own
realization over the last few days.
While I understand societal expectations, I feel that I am grossly out
of practice. I know how to treat people, however the simple social niceties of
life can often feel like a foreign language.
Still, I do my best and I’ve been given notes for how to improve. And I will.
I have made mistakes in the past…I wish I could let them go though. To move on, I mean. Whatever happens, I am feeling optimistic and
happy, regardless of how this journey ends.
I have a lot of plans in the future. Let’s see how they pan out.
Talked with an old friend
from my China days recently. She’s from
the UK and has the snark and sass that I’ve often missed in life. We had a good time catching up, but I am again
reminded of how stunted I’ve been when it comes to social niceties. She’s way better practiced at it. Anyway, it was an interesting thought. She had a rough patch with some of her work,
but it does make me nostalgic for my time over in Beijing. I will admit, however, that the nostalgia, I
recognize, could prove to be a rose tinted bunch of nonsense, considering how
China…can be a difficult place to adapt to.
I did it once though. Maybe I’d
do it again? Japan will always be my
first choice though.
Leading up to Christmas
has been…difficult, to say the least. I
was fine the weekend before, but right before I started back at work, I got hit
by a nasty case of Bronchitis. It got so bad that I couldn’t even drink or
swallow on Wednesday, but thankfully, I was able to get to a doctor. I got my medicine from him and the
anti-inflammatory pills helped out immensely.
I was actually able to work that day, haha. It’s helped a great deal
with the pain, but I’ve still been dealing with it for the whole week.
On a less terrible note,
I got a very nice gift from a friend. He gave me a souvenir from Yamagata and
it was frozen, yet microwavable burgers that were…just…amazing. Wondrously delicious. I wish I could buy them here in Natori, but
no dice. Still, a wonderful pair of
meals for someone dealing with troubles.
It’s almost Christmas here, so I’m doing small updates and after
Christmas day, this’ll get posted.
Alongside my friend, Gwent’s updated and I’m having way more fun with
it, despite bugs, lag, disconnects, and other players being salty. Had to skip
yakiniku though…I just feel too sick to and I don’t want the issues with my
stomach.
My Christmas celebrations
were…trying in a number of ways, but overall I still had a good time. I spent Sunday doing a few errands, but some
of them were fun and important for my enjoyment. I got pizza and shopped for a few supplies,
but most importantly, I bought a Christmas cake to celebrate the occasion. I also talked with my family and struggled
with a game. You might wonder why that’s
a point of contention, but the game, Christmas Nights, is a tradition for
me. My save data had been wiped and I
couldn’t play, but fortunately, I found others with the same issues and backup
saves online, so I was able to play my Christmas tradition game. I smiled a lot this weekend.
Monday came and I got my
KFC Christmas meal. It was very good and
I was happy. I watched Saint Oniisan
with it and I was happy. I got a call
from my school and had to cover for someone who got sick. Not so happy anymore. It felt like cruel irony, but I did it
anyway. Wasn’t as bad as I thought. Everyone was kind to me and I didn’t have to
cover a full day of classes, just a class for the young ones. A few people, I know, might ask me the
question, why not ignore the call or say you’re traveling or claim sickness(I
am still recovering from Bronchitis and a cold, but that’s beside the point.)
My answer is two-fold. First, I am pathologically
honest. When someone approaches me earnestly, I cannot lie to them, even for my
own benefit. It feels wrong. There is no
honor in it. The other answer is more…complex. I remember watching the Overwatch Short,
Honor and Glory. There were a number of
memorable lines there, but the one that resonated with me was, “I have been called.
I must answer.” It’s just the way I’m wired. Honor can be a heavy burden, but I
chose to bear it. The world is a
terrible place. If I can make it a bit
less terrible by answering the call for aid, then I will. Always.
Even if I am tired or don’t want to, if I can walk, I must answer the
call. I don’t want others to suffer for
my selfishness. Life is unpredictable
and these things happen. I am a bit sad
because when I got the call, I didn’t have much time to prep, so I probably
looked tired and haggard. An extra 30
minutes for a shower would have helped, but I needed to get there and get planning
done. So, I feel bad, I didn’t want my
co-workers to worry about me. I didn’t
need to stay for a full day though, so I am counting it as a win, a Christmas
present hidden within a trial.
This Christmas has been
trying, as many of mine are, but I have had a good time. It has been a good Christmas and I enjoyed
it. Smiled a lot this weekend.
