August: August 3, 2017 - August 10, 2017

August 3, 2017

Well, today was fun…I meant that in both the literal and the ironic sense of the word.  More office politics.  I try not to let it get me down because I’m trying not to care. If I’m not going to survive on my skill and my character then…well, I need to be somewhere else.  Though, again, I do love this city.  I want to stay here.  Anyway, I got a chance for a one on one with several students today due to holidays.  One of them was a charming gentleman, yes, an adult, who shared the name Saburo Kitajima with me, as I confided in him my love for Enka and he recommended this gentleman.  The music is pretty great.  I love the soul of Japan that is in this music, but I never have a reason to look for it…till now, of course.  I like to think my students like me…that said, I also had an awkward moment today where, not sure what I ate, but I got stomach problems in my last class.  They were good natured about it, as it was funny and I resolved it quickly, but I had to excuse myself.  Bit frustrating, but it happens to every teacher at least once in a while.  Thankfully, only once when I was in China.  That was…I was lucky I could count on my comrades there.  Wherever you are, Xizhimen center buddies, thanks be.  Here, I was lucky it wasn’t too bad. 

Anyway, I have had a chance to listen to new Unexpectables and to some enka, so despite the difficulties with work, I feel good about life.  Now, if I get through my evaluation/meeting near the tail end of August, I’ll feel better.  And if not…sigh.  I’d rather not think about it.  It’s been a long life.  And I’ve had to, with help, pull myself up from the neurotic mess that, the public school systems and the BS double standard of society, created.  I’m a functional human being with an iron clad sense of honor and even these little difficulties I let go of in time.  Do no harm to others because…how do you gain from that? What is the point?  Despite all these advancements and my awakening into who I truly am and want to be…old habits die hard and I am nervous.  I have no reason to be, and I know this, but still…it…weighs on my thoughts.

I’ll manage.  One way or another, I manage.  I’ll be taking a short break from writing this weekend.  The new chapter is done and it is almost 30 pages…which is longer than I want, but the bits in it are good and I like the world building, so screw it, I’m not cutting it in half for separate chapters or cutting it down.  I have plans for the weekend though and little time to myself as is, so…taking a short break. I also got a letter from an old friend. Always nice.

I hang on.  I am like the most determined goblin in Discworld.  Hang, Mr. Vimes.  Hang high or hang low, but whatever you do, hang on.  Keeping on keeping on.  I will survive and god willing, stay here, one way or another.  I hang on.

August 4, 2017

Hang, indeed, Mr. Vimes.  Ugh…today was stressful.  I’ve been depressed since I hit work.  I know why.  It’s the damned anxiety.  Uncertainty is scary and cruel and it makes me sad because there are some things I just cannot change.  So, I did my best to get through the day.  People tell me that it won’t be so bad, that my meeting with my boss and my future here will be fine.  That doesn’t stop the worry.  Especially with…well, whatever.  I’ve got the weekend to try and rest and regain some energy, as well as to hit up some festivals.  Yakiniku is good.  Classes were fine, a mix of ups and downs.  Next week is holiday.  Whatever happens, happens.

I have to say, the song, Mad World, kinda resonated with me today.  When you’re sad, those kinds of songs always do.  Truly, the dreams of when I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had.  Though, that’s mostly because in my dreams, I’m dying for something I believe in.  Put down your panic buttons, people.  I’m not gonna die.  I have promises to keep.  Men of honor keep their promises.  Another poem that resonates me is the doctor from Robert Frost’s old poem.  Always more to do.  This land is beautiful, but…responsibilities.

The woods are beautiful, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep.  And miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep.

August 5, 2017

Today I did a lot and very little…kind of odd, really.  Talked to my family in the morning, which was nice, I’d gotten letters from home and that helped with the sadness lately, but it was still good to see everyone.  I spent a lot of time just vegging.  Trying to recover from my week and the month of previous stresses. Around 2:30, I headed out to try and find the Matsuri celebration.  I stopped along the way to get my bike tuned up and it works much better now.

There were lots of beautiful spots along the way to Matsuri and I am always impressed by Japan’s way of intermingling nature and convenience.  Parks and rest stops were frequent and very pretty.  Matsuri, at least the one I went to, was pretty chill as far as festivals go.  It was on school grounds and had the typical expectations of a fair, like a small county fair, for example.  There were lots of stalls lined up selling cool foods and stuffs, a few games for the little kids, and live entertainment with some school children doing a…hip hop dance, I think?  They had a few contests and also a live MC to officiate everything.  Pretty interesting.  It’s not the bombastic party I thought it could be, but that’s probably for the best.  I am okay with a small festival like this.  Didn’t stay for the fireworks for reasons we’ll get into later, but as I sit here writing this, the rain is pouring down outside, so…again, for the best.  I was mostly enamored with all the fair food.  I got myself some takoyaki and a kind of egg and cabbage pancake made with Japanese style bacon, which is closer to ham.  Very good, but it was very filling.  Very carby.  I also got some strawberry soda, which was great, in a light bulb shaped glass.  Apparently this is a thing in Japan. I enjoyed my food and even wore out my black coat, since I didn’t have a yukata or kimono with me.  Also, most of the guests, not the cooks but the guests, were in traditional old style garb, especially the youngsters.  Very classical Japan mixed with the modern.  I also had a strawberry syrup covered banana, churros, and some absolutely divine gyutori, which is grilled beef.  I wanted to eat much more, as they had delicious looking yakisoba, yakitori, ice cream, shaved ice, etc.  I was pretty full and knew if I ate more, though, that I’d get sick, so I abstained.  That’s the big reason why I wanted to head home.  I stayed there for a good hour or two, enjoyed the sights, the smells, the delicious food, I wish this was like every month instead of just during certain seasonal dates, as this would be a fun thing to do alongside getting a bath at the bath house.  Really awesome.  I was, however, drenched with sweat by the end of it, so I was glad for a shower and a chance to come home and rest.  I need to find more street vendors selling yakisoba or stuff like that, though.  Nothing beats a live street vendor, it puts even the well stocked convenience stores and grocery stores to shame.  I have ramen shops near me, I have sushi near me, I even have yakiniku and tempura soba(the bathhouse) near me, but I now want a yakitori or yakisoba shop near me. I spent a decent amount at this festival as well.  Exact counts are out, but between 4 and 5 thousand yen, so about 40-50 bucks.  Worth it, but glad I have my buffers for times like this.

One final note.  This is more of a family affair, so I probably didn’t get the most out of it that I could.  If I had family or friends to picnic with, as was common with the rest of the families, I would have probably gotten more out of it.  That said, I’m also at the age where fidget spinners, toy swords, and inflatable hammers and toys don’t really excite me, so…yeah, this kind of festival was more for children.  God, I’m getting old…still, glad I went.  Now, I hope I have energy for tomorrow’s adventure.  I need to find Jozenji street and the last breath of Tanabata in Sendai.

August 6, 2017

Ugh…so hot…I intended to stay out till about 5 today, maybe get a sweets paradise all you can eat cake buffet, but the heat beat me down.  I felt heat exhaustion incoming and probably would have suffered a great deal more if not for my precautions.  So, yes, I did get to see Tanabata.  For the most part, it’s just a lot of pretty decorations commemorating an ancient story of star crossed love who can only meet for one night each year.  The crowds were intense and many times, they’d just stall as one or two people stop dead in the middle of the road for photos.  There were some cool performances, but my most fun moments were kind of disconnected from Tanabata as a whole.  Visiting a side room temple and a gorgeous shadow box museum.  If you can find the Senkan gallery, it’s well worth a visit as the little diorama shadowboxes there are amazing.  If I wasn’t poor, I’d ask the price, but…I am, so I didn’t.  They’re probably not even for sale.  Anyway, that was my Tanabata.  I took some pictures, they’ll be a bonus update come Saturday.  Mostly, though, I’m just super super tired.  I ran out of water and almost suffered dehydration and heat exhaustion, but since I was close to home when it happened, I managed to tough it out.  I also coughed up an extra 100 yen to park my bike by the train station to cut down on walking time and that helped IMMENSELY, as it was less time in the sun and I got some wind on my face.

Tanabata seems like another family thing, where you get the kids, go shopping, and peruse the beautiful decorations and side show stuffs.  The same kind of stalls were there that were at Matsuri, but I wasn’t hungry for that stuff at the time.  I passed it all by.  I did go a bit touristy today, however, so I spent a good 5k yen.  Some on food, some on trinkets.  I also got more stickers for my school…I was in the neighborhood, so why not, the Loft has a great selection. Honestly, I feel a bit disappointed because there’s not as many things for a loner to do.  I don’t have a posse to hang out with here…and I kinda don’t need one, since I like my own company.  But most of the events are the kind of things you appreciate more with others, so…I dunno.  Got plans for vacation, so we’ll see how that goes, but for now, I want to just rest and recover from the heat.  God, it was like being back in NC in the worst ways.  So bloody hot…

August 7, 2017

Ugh…Monday is usually easy and…you know, I just realized that I start a lot of these entries with “ugh,” however…anyway, Monday is usually easy, but I started today feeling sick to my stomach.  The heat and humidity didn’t help either.  Thankfully, my students on Monday have great energy, love to laugh and have fun, and we were able to deal.  I struggled all day with the heat, though.  I was able to finish class and I am noticing progress with a few, though.  That’s nice.  Also, I managed to get a lot of stuff done today at home.  I got data on how to make a wire transfer to the US, which I will try on Thursday, probably.  I also got info for renewing my passport, which I may wait on, just in case I need help.  Still need to ask people about which post office to use.  Also, I spent a bit of time at home getting some stuff ready for other classes.  Not much gaming tonight, but at least it’s done.  I went grocery shopping today as well and I always feel weird about spending so much money…should be fine, though.  I just get antsy.  Anyway, life goes on.  Two more days until my break.

August 8, 2017

And we’re back to Tuesdays.  What gets me more down?  Classes where the students have no energy or classes where the students are wild and enjoy mocking the teacher.  Not sure.  Either way, putting my foot down next week.  I’ve gotten better at discipline and it’s time to flex the muscle.  I am super tired, honestly, and still worried about my future, since it is largely uncertain.  But, tomorrow is the last day before vacation.  Come hell or high water, I’m doing my house cleaning, and most of all, I get yakiniku tomorrow, to celebrate the end of a week, as per standard.  Whatever happens, the world keeps on turning.

Also, been watching Star vs. The Forces of Evil.  Surprisingly addictive for how stupid it looks on paper.  It’s a really fun complement to Steven Universe, which is more about world building and enjoyable character arcs, while SVFOE is funny and really a joy to watch. Helps the characters are both competent and likable. 

August 9, 2017

Not too much to report today.  It was a standard Wednesday with a different kind of ending.  Today, after classes, my 7 day vacation can finally begin.  So, I got yakiniku and made plans.  At least one of my days, I’ll need to stay home so I can get my A/C fixed, however I finally have a chance to rest, do a bit of minor traveling and sight seeing, and just…enjoy life.  For the first time in…ages, I’ve felt light as a feather.  Now, if only you were here.  You know who you are XD  Okay, enough teasing.  Night, everyone.

August 10, 2017

Busy day at the start.  Not so much near the end.  I got up and headed down to the bank to try a wire transfer.  It took me roughly two hours to do…which was a bit tiring.  I’ll have to see if it worked fine, but I have a good feeling about it.  I also got a haircut.  The bangs are a bit shorter than I want, but overall, not too bad.  Finally, I headed to the bathhouse to relax.  Saw one of the cooks who knows me and we chatted for a bit after a relaxing soak.  I also made tacos for the night and relaxed part of the day with the Unexpectables which…wow, what a finale for season 2.  Anyway, good times.  Still tired and still wanting to veg, but life feels a bit more manageable now.

July: July 27 - August 2, 2017

July 27, 2017

Gonna throw this out there.  I get antsy when I have stuff to do, but can’t because of reasons.  This is one reason I get OCD and replace rubber bands or clean coffee and tea mugs at work.  Today, we had a class cancelled and while I still had stuff to do, planning the Saturday class with my partner, I felt…out of it.  It’s probably a good sign, honestly.  Because, as a teacher, if you ever hope your students don’t show up just so you can get a few minutes off, you’ve kinda missed the point.  Yeah, some are troublemakers and that can grind on you, but for a whole class to be cancelled…yeah, you should not want that.  This was an adult class, so it was understandable.  People have lives and sometimes, you put English on the back burner.  I get that.  Anyway, today was fine.  I tried to make an English style board game and use some of our toy animals as figurines.  It COULD work…but I definitely need to tweak it.  Still in alpha.

Also, just going to say this up front, I love all my family and friends in America, but given the way the country has been going…can I just not come back?  Can I just stay in Japan like…forever?  Because I really like it here, warts and all.  Also, to my boss if you’re reading this…I appreciate everything this school has done.  I meant it when I said this is one of the most stressful jobs ever, but it’s still manageable because I get the support that I need.

Another late night for me, just because I HAD to listen to the Unexpectables.  2am now.  Going to bed.

July 28, 2017

Another week, another late night of updates.  Today was fine, though one class gave me trouble, mostly due to a student misbehaving.  I’ve found my angry voice and can put my foot down effectively, now.  Got to say, it feels weird how a few of my adult classes just have people being gone, though it is summer, so…makes sense, I guess.  I spent a lot of that time talking small talk, both topic wise and how to do it with my charges.  Anyway, the classes were fine, but the stress of the Chicago Saturday classes are weighing on me.  Tomorrow is the last one.  I still need to gather some logistical information if I want to make a trip to Hokkaido, but I may put that off, since it’s short notice and may be very expensive.  Also, my internet company has, for the third time, said there’s an issue with my bank or some other such nonsense.  Gonna have to get that sorted out.  Yakiniku makes it worthwhile, but I am so tired from today.  And will be tomorrow.  It’s been at least a month since I talked with my buddies on Overwatch.  Need to get back to that.  Ugh…tired…sleeping soon.

July 29, 2017

Well, I had to walk to the last Saturday class today.  In the rain.  And then do grocery shopping.  In the rain.  And walk home carrying everything on my back instead of on my bike.  In the rain.  I was waterlogged and sweaty.  The umbrella I had was fine, but so tired.  I completed the class and godspeed to the students heading for Chicago.  But lord was I and am I tired.  I basically took the rest of the night to play Gwent and Dragon Quest and while I had fun, I still have trouble sleeping, even when super mega tired.

July 30, 2017

Not even bothering to go out today.  I don’t get to talk to my friends on Overwatch or stateside, but since I’m resting, it’s probably for the best.  My writing has slowed down, but after editing, I should be finished the latest chapter, which is nice.  Got someone coming on Tuesday to help me with a leak in my A/C and I have my vacation in a week and a half.  For now, I just want to rest and recuperate.  Gonna get some ramen later in the week, but not now.  Today, I’m just staying in bed and vegging with some good games, youtube, and movies.  Riveting, isn’t it?  I should be going out and exploring Japan, right?  Well, it’s been a month of six days a week, so…yeah, no.  Anyway, hoping I can get back to a proper sleep cycle this week.

July 31, 2017

Fatigue has hit me hard.  Trying to get through even the easy day was a struggle. Still, if I get more sleep, I ought to be okay.  Anyway, I was planning my trip to Hokkaido. Not sure if I’ll go during this holiday. I might delay until October, when I have more time.  It’s just the short notice and the trip right after my month of six day work weeks…it’s kinda getting to me.  Anyway, I can take the Shinkansen and explore Hakodate, I can take the ferry and explore Tomakomai, or I can do one, then the other, though with the logistics involved with that…maybe not.  If I do go to Hokkaido, I’d probably book the ferry there and back and just take the Shinkansen to Osaka another time.  It’s all conjecture right now, though.  Still thinking.

August, 2017

August 1, 2017

So, the start of this day was a bit exhausting, as I woke up early, unnecessarily, for a repair man who came to look at leaks I’d been having.  Nice fellow.  Very polite and used enough English terms with his Japanese that I got the gist of what was being said and done. There was apparently some trash-like substances in my A/C pipes and that was causing the leaks.  Said it might leak for another 2-3 days, but after that, should be fine.  He also looked at my washer and replaced some dirty parts.  I always have to respect those who know their craft like that.  Fingers crossed everything is okay now.

August 2, 2017

Well…kinda made the decision to put off the Hokkaido trip.  First, getting reservations on the ferry or shinkansen is a pain.  Second, I needed more planning time.  Third, I want to do some stuff here in Sendai.  Finally, after my teaching month and this weekend, where I will be out and about two days in a row…I also just want a few days to rest.  Anyway, I might go to Mount Zao, if I can work out the transportation logistics.  We’ll see.

I haven’t spoken much about classes because…well…it’s kinda samey.  Tuesday is still the hard day, but I’ve had good and bad classes throughout the week.  Ups and downs.  Some are really rewarding and I love encouraging the students, others I get mocked rightly and though annoying, I could care less.  This is my job, after all.  The biggest cause for concern from my camp is that after the Chicago trip I was training the students for, one of my big bosses will come for a visit.  And I will have a meeting with them.  Sigh.  Anxiety kicks my butt here.  It’s probably going to be fine, because I do hard work and I’m trying hard.  They say they’ve never had to fire a teacher for bad performance, just for being bad people, so…well, my staff seems to like me, they’re supportive, and they say I’m doing well, so…anyway, I’ll be glad when that’s over, but it is a cause for stress.  Not going to worry too much on it.  I just want to get through the week because this weekend, we gots plans.

July: July 21 - July 26, 2017

July 21, 2017

Ugh…today was exhausting.  I’ve had a rough week.  It started out easy on Monday, but when trying to add variety, it was hit and miss so…it’s been a struggle at times to keep going.  Also, office politics.  All I’ll say.  I hate them and they’re not my problem.  I really stumbled today.  I always finished my classes on time and with the material I had ready, but I felt like I was just fumbling through the first few.  Picked back up in the evening with more confidence and more preparedness, but I’ve been pushed to just…survive, so far.  This may be the most stressful job I’ve ever had.  For varying reasons.

I do want to say that getting a few of my students to laugh and none of them being misbehaved near the end of my day did help lighten my mood.  The goal was to make them have a good time while introducing new language and goal accomplished.  I actually debated not getting yakiniku because I’m so bloody tired, but I was just like…you want this.  You need this.  And I just told myself…yeah…yeah, I do.  So, I had some.  Always good.  So good.  Maybe replacing others as my favorite food.  Not sure.  Anyway, I then came home, did some gaming, and my weekly reports. Did I fail to mention that?  I send my boss weekly reports.  Nothing major, but it is a bit weird writing them at like midnight and these journals at like 1 am.

Anyway, Chicago class tomorrow and I am super duper tired.  Need to also try and get up in time to talk to my family, who I owe a big thank you to for the care package.  So…gonna go to sleep so I can do that.

July 22, 2017

Good lord…where did the day go?  Oh, right.  Teaching.  The class today ran long because of paperwork, so I was in school for about 2 and a half hours so…yeah, tired.  That’s my sixth day in a row so…yeah, tired.  Went to the bath house, but due to the crowds it took a while for me to both get zen and get my food so…yeah…tired.  I talked with the family and made tacos again, which was nice, but I’ve been weird all day.  I alternate between manic energy and total exhaustion like crazy.  Got tired of playing one game, so, instead of resting, I jump on another one for two hours, then spend two more hours trying to get a 20 year old piece of abandonware to work…which I did.  Magic the Gathering, the old 1997 realm of Shandalar is pretty cool for old MTG fans, but perhaps a bit too…MTG for me to play it seriously, like Gwent or Dragon Quest.  I seriously need to rest.  I seriously, seriously do.  So, I’m going to do that now. I don’t know what’s going on with me, but I need to at least put myself horizontal and just…let the world pass until I feel better.  The stress is real, but life goes on.  No writing today.  Hopefully tomorrow.  God…so tired…

July 23, 2017

Got my writing in today, so WOOWOO, but still tired.  I was surprised at how the old genesis spark, the creative energy, the will of the magician(okay, I think I’m done) kept me writing even after I figured it was time to stop.  Now is it any good?  Ehhhh…I dunno.  Anyway, it’s been an exhausting day, even though all I’ve done is rest.  Just lounging about sounds great, but my A/C has been dripping, so I’m going to talk with my staff about getting that fixed.  Also, only having one day with no work is wearing on me, as I still feel pretty bloody exhausted.  Ugh…well, that’s life, I guess.  Now, moving on.

July 24, 2017

Ugh…so tired again…we noticing a pattern?  Anyway, talked with my best friend today, which was nice, but class was…well, it was fine, I guess. One just really bugged me, as the heat and the students’ lack of enthusiasm just kinda wore me down.  Every time I hear they don’t understand the instructions, when I know I’ve spelled them out in Japanese and English, I get so tired.  Anyway, most of the classes were okay, but I’ve just felt so…burdened, of late.  Anyway, I got some fun games of Gwent when I got home, so that was good.  I have my hardest day tomorrow, so that sucks but some days you just gotta…push on through and try to do better the next.  That was today, that will probably be tomorrow.  Still toying around with different ways of adding variety to classes and starting a few classes, high school level, on small talk, which is a useful skill, provided you know when and where to use it.  So…hopefully that goes okay.

July 25, 2017

A Tuesday that didn’t kick my butt?!  What’s this?!  I’m half kidding.  A few new activities I tried went over okay, though I worry the students aren’t ready for hangman, since it requires spelling.  But, they love competing, soooooooo…anyway, I only had one class I would call hard today and I also had a trial student who, I think, did pretty good.  I hope she stays on with us.  I did have to stay very very late though.  Sometimes we get adult classes late at night and if they arrive late…be a pal and stay a bit late for them because they don’t want to be there at 9, you don’t want to be there at 9, but hell, if they’re willing to pay AND put in the time…as a teacher, the least you can do is put in the time.  I appreciate that.  I went to bed right after that, though.  So tired.

July 26, 2017

I feel like my plans of updating my blog on Wednesdays are slowly becoming pipe dreams, as it’s Wednesday and that ain’t happening. Maybe tomorrow. Anyway, I bought an electric kettle today since my family sent me some good tea in my care package and I want to get back to drinking tea, but I don’t want to use gas to heat my water.  Too much trouble.  Gonna see how I do with returning to tea and stevia.  Also had ramen at a ramen shop and I am now relaxing before work.  Maybe I’ll update more when I get home…maybe not.  Who can say?

My family will mock me from my grave for this, but I’ve accepted eggplant back into my life.  For context, my parents made the second worst food I’ve ever put in my body when I was about 5 years old.  It was an eggplant casserole.  I swore on that day, to never eat eggplant again.  Today, I had eggplant in my rice bowl.  Was good too.  Also, worst food ever in my mouth, beating out 2 year expired crackers AND eggplant casserole is Japanese Natto.  That stuff is nasty.  Anyway, classes were okay.  The kettle works and I am stoked.  I bought some file folders and put some order into my pile of nonsense that is my paperwork.  Or at least I made it a more organized pile.  Wednesday has so far been an easy and enjoyable day.  Tomorrow will be a lot more work.  However…life is good here.  I like it and will stay if I have the chance. Sigh…continue to be disappointed in the US.

July: July 13 - July 20, 2017

July 13, 2017

I’m almost completely blown away by…well, my evaluation.  To say I soared through with flying colors would be a lie, but…I’ve never felt…so ENCOURAGED in my workplace.  People can be nice, yes, but in every job I’ve had, I tend to get very brusque critique.  While I do have some things I’ve made note on and want to work on, there was one phrase I heard today that I needed.  I never knew I needed it, because none of my bosses in my previous jobs has ever said it with true sincerity.  “You work so hard.”  To just have that recognized and to be encouraged is…something amazing.  I had some hit and miss classes, as I’m trying to adapt to my critiques, but I never knew I wanted that until now.  Just…bloody recognition.  A part of me wonders if this is why I’ve always been so down on myself in my work.  Because no one appreciated it.  I still have a way to go and not everyone likes me, but that was…something I wanted.

Also, I finished Hollow Knight.  Time to start up Dragon Quest builders.  Da da da da da da da daaaaaa dada da dada da da…if you’re a Dragon Quest fan, just imagine the main theme.  It’s really charming.

July 14, 2017

Not too much to report today.  Had a nice taste of reality as I realize I still need to improve.  Some classes, the students just won’t have energy, no matter what you do, so…gotta accept that, but I still have a ways to go.  The heat was intense today and I had to cope with it.  Very exhausting.  The whole week has been.  Anyway, I got some good Yakiniku tonight.  I ate my usual fair but had something that I think was Snagimon, or something similar.  It’s bird cartilage, I think.  Good, but not as good as beef or pig tongue.  I do like playing Dragon Quest builders so far and am looking forward to relaxing a bit with it this weekend, after my grocery shopping and Chicago trip class for the students.  Though I’m not working full days on Saturday, the stress is piling up and I feel a bit run ragged.  Still, for a school that puts faith in me like this…hell, I’ll deal with it.  Tired now, so going to get some rest.  Till tomorrow or Sunday.

July 15, 2017

Ugh…the day has exhausted me.  The heat, the classes, the groceries.  Bought more tacos today, bought a few regular supplies, but I’ll need more at the 711.  I have a TON of soda, which is pretty standard, I tend to buy in 1-2 week supplies.  The classes were fine, but they were an hour and a half, which is a marathon for me for one class.  We almost ran out of things to do because we were in the twilight of not wanting to start the next section because we wouldn’t finish, but not yet being ready to leave, so extra practice.  Anyway, it was exhausting and I am really tired.  I got to talk with one of my friends from China and that was nice.  She’s a charming young lady and it was good to hear that she remembers me and is doing well.  Playing Dragon Quest Builders and started up Gwent again.  I have a problem.

I am going to skip writing today and hopefully do some tomorrow.  We’ll see.  Not sure.  Anyway, this month is super exhausting, so I NEED Sunday for rest.  Now, DND with the UNEXPECTABLES, which is my favorite DnD podcast.  Holy shit, it is SO funny and SO charming and SO epic.  Listening to it while I play and snack and it’s wonderful.

July 16, 2017

Today I didn’t get much sleep.  I got some game time in, some rest, but mostly it was just a meh day overall.  The stress of my workload has hit me hard and I felt wiped by the end of it.  I did get to talk with a dear friend and tell them just how important they were in my life…and they really are.  It’s odd to say, but when an encounter with someone helps you to realize that you being you is not only okay, but that screw those who want to change who you are at your core, it’s something special.  I am grateful.  Also very very tired.  So, sleep.

July 17, 2017

Ugh…I went to bed early last night and I still felt wiped this morning.  Been following my new writing regimen of reviewing older chapters just to read when I’m not editing or writing and it still works.  The writing still does its job and that feels good.  But I had to get multiple naps before work and didn’t really want to leave my bed.  I think the classes went better today early on because of variety that I was including, but I had trouble later just because both myself and the students were running on empty.  So tired.  So stressed.  Still, I got a care package from my family and FINALLY have some new short sleeved dress shirts, so…gonna be changing into those soon.  Hell, maybe I’ll just do it tomorrow, I mean why wait?  We’ll see.  I have a hilarious picture of the mountain of food stuffs I had to make after the package, because while it’s all a treat, I have so little space, it’s kinda shocking, so I had to make the leaning tower of tacos.  Perhaps for another Saturday.  Anyway, tired, so going to do a smidge of gaming, then lay down for the night.  See ya.

July 18, 2017

Tuesday is always a struggle.  Feel like I’m just saying the same things week to week.  Tried some more varied stuffs and it…kinda worked?  I had one or two classes who were just so done with everything, so they didn’t want to learn.  It’s one thing I always have trouble accepting in that some classes just…don’t want to do things.  I need to go and buy a hot water dispenser, if I can find one for a good price, since my family’s care package included tea and it’s my favorite kind of tea.  I also got a chance to test out some of the short sleeved shirts my family bought for me.  They work well, since they’re cool and it’s hot.

July 19, 2017

Today, so far, has been a bit exhausting.  I hate grocery shopping because I have to do it in the morning before classes.  Got some supplies for more tacos which will be this weekend.  I also am trying to work out my sleep schedule as for the last few days I’ve had big issues going to sleep.  I lie down, but I feel too hot, even with my A/C and I have trouble just…falling into a restful sleep.  I compensate with naps before work which…isn’t always healthy.  I like having the option, but…I dunno.  I feel that I’ll have an easier time of sleeping when the Saturday classes are over.  We’ll see.  I had a dream a few days ago about quitting this job and it terrified me.  Not the change in life situation, but the idea that I would break my word gave me heart palpitations.  I know I don’t have it in me, but when you dream and that is your reality…it’s scary.  Anyway, that’s enough of me rambling for right now.  Till later.

Short update before bed.  Today was fine.  Not great, not terrible, but fine.  We had a last minute arrival for English level checking, so I missed my chance for dinner, but it’s no big deal.  Especially since my partner had to skip hers too.  Heart goes out to you.  I have a massive headache and super tired, but an update on the care package…no, it’s not all gone, but I just had a moment tonight, somewhere between the cheddar corn puffs, the dried mango slices, and the jerky and…it just made me feel like home.  The best parts, I mean.  Now, if only I could get a burger by mail.  I will have to probably repay my parents in some way…good lord, this is heavenly…I may need to pay them to send more.  But the cost was crazy!  I saw the cost of postage and was like JESUS!  Anyway, really enjoying it.  Now, I crash.  So tired…

July 20, 2017

Poor sleep week continues.  My attempts at variety in class are a bit hit or miss.  I never know if I’m doing as well as I can because the variance in students and attitudes to certain activities make it hard to tell.  I am trying, at least. Well, sleep has been an issue.  Today, I got through my classes, but seriously felt faint for how tired I was.  I’ve been trying to go to bed earlier and earlier and to get more and more sleep, but it’s been…a losing battle.  Even if I get sleep it sometimes doesn’t make a huge difference.  I woke up this morning to a quake.  Wasn’t going to go back to sleep till it was over.  Disorienting.  It felt strange in my tummy to be lying in bed with everything shaking and rattling.  Trying to go to sleep earlier now, but if I actually go to sleep is a toss up.  So tired.  So very tired. Yakiniku tomorrow.  Hold on to that.

Also, apologies for my blog followers for the lateness of this upload.  I’m just too tired to upload it right at this moment.  The classes to help train students for their trip to Chicago have thrown my internal clock off a great deal and it bounces back and can affect my whole week.  Two more Saturdays.

Bonus Update: The Great Matsushima Journey

About 2 weeks ago, I went on a journey to the Matsushima coastline because I'd heard it was a beautiful place with lots to see.  The heat nearly did me in, but I did get some good photos, so...take a look if you're interested.

This is the approach to one of the big Matsushima temples.  Ironically, more zen and impressive than the temple itself.

If you can see the fences, the monuments and many parts of the temple were being renovated, so I couldn't get close.

Many impressive monuments

While I may hate the heat, I do like nature.

This is the temple.  Pretty enough inside, but a bit of a let down.

There was also a museum near the temple, so I snapped a few pictures while I was there.

Bridges always have a special place in my heart, but those aren't decorative slats.  Those are literal holes...ehhhhh a bit dangerous?

Small coastal temple, in memory of the tsunami

Despite the heat, the coastline here was beautiful.

Looks pretty big huh?  What?  No?!

How about now?  I walked this bridge to get to a nature spot.

This bridge almost made the trip worth it.

The bay and its many small islands truly are beautiful.

So, there were a few small temples on the island the bridge let to, but it was mostly nature and I took advantage to take photos.  It was very buggy though, so I didn't linger too long.

My last sight before leaving was this open field with a place to rest and lots of tables and tributes from classes previous and visitors of yester year.

Tributes.  That's some impressive origami.

Even basic ads can have cool art and animation, so I took a photo on my way out.  I was wiped by the end of this trip.  No more traveling in summer.

July: July 7 - July 12, 2017

July 7, 2017

Ugh…god, so tired.  I went to the bank this morning and was able to operate the ATM without any help, so that felt good, but I feel like I’m lacking in sleep.  I managed to get through my classes today, but it was harder than I thought.  Which is weird, since Friday is supposed to be my other easy day.  I think it’s because of the prep work for the Chicago classes, which I also made homework sheets for.  I’m teaching some kids language for a brief homestay in the US, so…that’s tomorrow. On Saturday.  Ugh.  Anyway, after that, I plan to get a bath and before that I plan to make tacos.  Let’s hope the best laid plans don’t screw up.  Anyway, till later everyone.  If I don’t upload the Matsushima pictures this weekend, it’ll be next weekend.

I just want to add that there was an earthquake during Yakiniku time last night.  Lasted for like 30 seconds, was a bit weird, then done. That’s how most earthquakes are.  I was a bit shocked at first, but on reflection, it really wasn’t a big deal.  Low magnitude, so no one was really bothered.

July 8, 2017

Well, putting writing on hold for today.  We’ll see about tomorrow.  Anyway, I talked with my family after sleeping in, that was a mistake, but they took it all in good stride.  I did some gaming and then I went to teach my class on home stay in the US.  A bit stressful.  The heat was hard to deal with and while the students got it and we were able to do some good practice, it felt off…you know, being as I had already finished my work week.

After that, I went to the bathhouse.  Weirdly It was really crowded around 5.  Much more so than I thought it would be.  I still got some good zen time in, but I dunno…I tend to prefer being alone for these situations, but whatever.  I got some good food afterwards and then headed home.  The heat today was real though, so I was sweating by the time I got home.

I also should mention I made tacos for lunch.  Worked SURPRISINGLY well.  I had a taco kit from the Yamaya and with the squash, cheese, and beef I used, it was…quite good, actually.  May do that again…hmmmm…anyway, that was a big high point and I have tacos for two more days.

I feel like I need to take a moment and talk Dark Souls, especially given how much grief Bloodborne gave me.  I like it because it tends to be a bit slower, more methodical, and less twitchy.  However, today I got really frustrated with a few moments.  I beat the game, but I still have a bit of DLC to go through.  Now, I want to bring this up just for a bit of game analytics.  Now, I fought the end boss, who was a great throwback to bosses previous, using moves from my own characters and the original lord of flames.  I also fought a DLC boss who I was super frustrated by because of some BS tactics.  Finally, I fought a secret boss who may have been the best boss I’ve played in…maybe any game.  Now, they all have something in common.  They’re all multi battle bosses, where you beat them once, then you fight another form.  Number 1 and 3 do this well, but number 2, GOOD GOD…I mean, the first form’s okay, a bit of ice, a bit of invisible backstabbing BS, but then their second form is coupled with room filling blasts of damage and they gain a buddy for two on one.  Then there is a THIRD form.  Sigh…by the end, I was exhausted.  Now, the secret boss has two forms as well, but it was much more fair.  All the attacks were predictable and while he was fast, strong, and durable, I was able to win in the end.  Took me a good 20 tries, but I enjoyed every try and wasn’t cursing at the game for being BS.  This is what I want more of in games, honestly.  I want a battle that is fair and where you can learn to fight back without feeling like you’re being cheap shotted.  It’s a shame there won’t be any more Dark Souls for a while, but…at least they stuck the Nameless King and his storm drake steed in the last one.  I toppled them.  I am the dragon king now.

July 9, 2017

Finally finished Dark Souls 3 and I’m glad it’s over.  I’ll enjoy it more in subsequent playthroughs, but for now, it’s just been a bit frustrating, especially the last area with a BS mega dragon boss, nothing like the fair and fun Nameless King.  Anyway, I finally beat the game when I was talking with a friend of mine on the phone.  I had to stay calm for her sake, so it actually helped me focus a bit.

Writing is suffering a bit.  I did manage to get in about 3 pages, maybe 4, but it’s not like my usual output.  The stress of my six day work week combined with less time to write on Saturday, which is my usual day, and finally the Dark Souls equation, which exhausted me mentally and physically, I just didn’t have much in me.  Hoping it will be easier to do some writing next week.  We’ll see.  As long as I get more sleep, it ought to be fine.  Anyway, I need to get some tacos.  I am hungry.

July 10, 2017

Ugh…the heat of the day continues to exhaust me to the point I wonder how I’ll go on.  If it’s this bad in Natori, imagine what it must be stateside.  Also, my efforts to get medicine sent to Natori have fallen through, so far.  That leaves me with three options, unless the bank can get it’s shit together and just pay the damn company I’m trying to use, as my credit card has been declined twice and I KNOW there’s money in my account.  Option 1, I run out of medicine and don’t take more until I get sick.  At least I know where the eye clinic is.  That means, twice a year, I’d have to deal with red eye and go to the eye clinic to get myself treated.  Not fun.  Option 2, I go to the clinic every two weeks or maybe every month to get more eye medicine from them, since I’m only given basically a 12 day supply.  Again, not fun and tedious.  Option 3, I get my family to send me the medicine.  Possible, but a lot of red tape.  I’d need them to buy the medicine, which could be annoying without a prescription, and then I’d need a Yakkan Shoumei form from the Japanese government to have it released from customs.  All of these sound like super not fun.  Ugh…having eye disease sucks.

July 11, 2017

Today was not great.  A combination of pain in my thumb from unknown swelling, I think I burned it or have somehow actually overused it, being told I’ve got…well, they don’t want to say an evaluation, but that’s what it feels like coming up, and that it was Tuesday just…made my life unpleasant.  The evaluation will probably be fine, it’s Thursday.  I’m not great, but I’m not terrible and this will likely just be things I should try to work on, which I will because I want to do better.  Anyway, Tuesday is, as I have said, my least favorite day.  It’s a combination of stress for it being the middle of the week and the fact that I get students with either way too much energy, so they can feel overpowering, or with so little I feel like I’m dragging them along, which makes it hard.  I’ve learned a few lessons, of course, but still, it takes…effort to get through.  Couple that with the heat and I just did not have a good time.  So very tired.

July 12, 2017

God…so tired.  Today’s classes were fine.  Wednesday, despite being a very exhausting day, is one of the good ones.  It really does show how different things can go depending on student attitudes and the like.  Anyway, classes were fine, but I did mess up and forgot to give one of my classes ice cream as a treat.  While my colleagues insist it’s not a big deal, I feel bad because…these students worked hard and deserved a treat.  I should note, it’s not a big deal because I can do it later, but still…still…

I also cleaned my house today.  Another reason I’m tired.  Also frustrating is that after I cleaned my house and went to work, bugs started appearing.  Four so far, but I doubt there will be more.  They seem to be drawn by the heat, but when the AC turns on, there is nothing for them.  I hate summer here.  I like summer festivals, but I hate the heat and the humidity.

I’m also tired because I’m pushing myself to play a game called Hollow Knight.  It’s a beautiful game, but I’d rather be playing Dragon Quest Builders.  I put it down once already for Dark Souls, so I just want to finish it.  It’s a beautiful Metroid-vania, however it does focus on, and this ties back to what I said before…bugs.  Yes, anthropomorphized bugs.  After crawling through a webbed up hell hole, I’m kinda ready for it to be over. The game has a mix of charming character design and Cronenburgian body horror which I suppose gels with the bugs idea, but still…*shiver*. While it is a good game and does have its charms, I want to go to something more comfort foody, which is what DQ is for me.  It’s the music, aesthetic, and simple, but satisfying gameplay.  It gets me every time.

Looks like my medicine is going to have to come from my family.  We’re working on getting it here now, but it’s a slow grind.  Also, I just feel so much fatigue lately.  It’s a mix of school work and the extra classes and stress.  I have a kind of evaluation meeting tomorrow.  No matter what happens, I’ll be fine.  I’ll try to improve based on suggestions and if worse comes to worse, I have finally made enough money that I’ve broken even.  If I get fired, I can go back to the states having lost nothing, at least in terms of money.  That said, again, I don’t want to be fired or quit.  I like this town, even in summer.  And I like being able to save like 1000 dollars a month.  So…I hope it all turns out okay.

Should add, I popped what I think was a pus bubble in my thumb, part of the swelling. It looks better and feels better so far, but it’s still a bit swollen, so I need more time.  

July: June 29 - July 6, 2017

June 29 - June 30, 2017

Not much to report.  I didn’t get much sleep because I got on the Gwent bandwagon again.  It’s a fantastic card game, but I got bored of it after 48 hours, so I uninstalled it the following day.  I still like the game, but it needs to be re-balanced otherwise it’s just not going to hold my interest for more than a few days in bursts.

Today was a bit hectic, as I used one of my planning periods for food so I could use another planning period for an impromptu lesson on culture for one of the student teachers.  Been talking about going to America a lot lately due to the upcoming trip several students have to Chicago.  Anyway, I had Yakiniku after dinner and my tongue is still amazed at how good tongue tastes.  So delicious.

Got some postcards ready to send out, but the lack of sleep has made me lazy, so I didn’t get any sent out today.  I also got a package with all my games I ordered in it, so I started up Dark Souls 3.  So fluid, beautiful, and fun.  Feels like old times.  It’s a good game.  I need to sign off early tonight, though.  I want to go to Matsushima tomorrow morning and that means I need to get up bloody early.  Later.

July, 2017

July 1, 2017

Oh god…why…well, I tried to have a little day trip today.  I went to Matsuhima, which is on the coast.  I like the ocean.  I like coastal towns.  But the heat of today has made my life a living hell.  From 9:30 to about 5.  That’s how long I was in the heat.  Ugh…I’m making a mandate now. No more long, complicated adventures like going to the ocean or Matsushima until it is bloody cooler.

What’s more disappointing is that there was stuff to see, but it didn’t tickle my fancy, really.  I saw a temple which had a more impressive approach than the temple itself, which was behind a paywall and with tons of repair being done to it.  I felt a bit sick, which someday I should go into because my stomach has been weird since arriving in Japan.  I got to see some beautiful seaside, I’ll say that.  The best time I had was on a big bridge to a quiet little island.  I’d have liked it better without the gnats though.  The nature was nice and almost made it worth it, but the two hours of trains were…less pleasant. The first train I took stopped at each stop for like 10-20 minutes for some reason…hell if I know.  The others were hard to figure out, as this was my first time using the Senseki line.  Ugh…just…so tired.  I spent a decent chunk of money on this adventure, about 60-70 bucks and now that I’m home I just want to lie down and veg.  Or probably play more Dark Souls.  No more heat.  AC.  Forever.

I forgot to mention previously as well that the school is causing me some minor issues in that we do have AC but it’s weird when we use it.  It was very hot yesterday, to the point I was getting a heat headache.  I got those today and they are super not fun.  Reminds me of the telephone company job I had where I almost died…3 times…sigh.

July 2, 2017

I’ve finally caved to the pressure of both my students and to my own general curiosity and started watching My Hero Academia.  It has a lot of charm, though I’m mostly drawn because of the battles I’ve heard about later on.  It’s a nice palette cleanser from the disappointment that was Berserk 2017, which adapted the story well in some parts, but had abysmal CGI.  Anyway, a moment in episode 4 reminded me of something I’ve been meaning to discuss.

I’m a surprisingly petty person.  Not in actions, but looking over my own feelings on things and how I sometimes think, I’m actually a bit shocked at how petty I can be over…well, small things.  That said, it also reminded me that even if I have cynical thoughts, as is pretty common in this day and age, the actions and beliefs behind it are what matter.  I may be a petty person, but I won’t act like it.  I have many adages I’ve adapted over the years, but one holds true throughout the better part of my life.  The world is a terrible place.  So, however you can, make it better.  If you don’t, no one will.  So, petty or not, I’ll keep acting the way I feel good people should.  I’m not going to cause harm to those I dislike and I won’t be harmed by their words or actions.  I will rise above.

Anyway, yeah, My Hero Academia is pretty good, check it out.  I’ll do a bit of writing today, but I got Dark Souls 3 in the mail and hooooo boy is that addictive.  I will be doing a good chunk of that for the rest of the day.

I kind of lied, actually. Didn’t JUST play Dark Souls.  This just in, I updated my Linkedin for the first time in a while and kinda sorta added my new job onto my resume.  It’s a bit slapdash at present, but it’s a start and I can polish it if I need to apply for a new job.  Which I hope I don’t, because hot damn I like this town.  I’ll love it in winter, but with the crummy heat, love has been degraded to like, hehe.

July 3, 2017

This, I think, is the last Eiken prep week.  So, hopefully I can get a bit more time on Mondays for prep, because I was stretched for time on what is supposed to be my easy day.  I had journals, eiken classes, ice cream for good students, and less planning time due to constraints.  I’m a bit frustrated by it, but it’s almost over.  I do still have to teach Saturdays for the next month, but it’s whatever.

I’m not getting a lot of sleep, honestly.  I’m getting more than stateside, however it’s a bit frustrating that I just want to collapse when I wake up.  The fact that I CAN sleep a bit late due to this job is nice, as it means it’s easier for me to recover during these situations, but in terms of health, I’m more worried about something kind of gross.  Let’s just say that my stomach has been unhappy with some of my meal choices and while it’s not been violently bad, it does lead to some bathroom issues that have been constants.  It’s confusing, honestly.  May talk with my family who have medical backgrounds about it. Not too much else to say.  More later.

July 4, 2017

Ugh…hate Tuesdays.  I did at least get to try some of my conflict dealing strategies as suggested by some of the other teachers.  The quiet down and just staring at the student so they know they’ve done bad.  I don’t like it.  But it…kinda worked?  Not for long though.  Anyway, I struggled for a number of reasons.  Sometimes the classes were sleepy, sometimes they were loud, but most of them were too hot…heat is a problem.  Also, I was behind in scheduling due to my having to do so much on Monday, so I basically planned a day and a half, did regular cleaning, and still got in my hand writing practice.  I would say I’m amazing, but I feel like I could fall flat on my face at any moment.  Looking forward to some rest.  Wednesday will be hard, but once it’s over, the most difficult parts of the week are over.  Also, need to go grocery shopping tomorrow, so…that’ll be…fun?  Is fun the right…no…no, I don’t think it is. Still, if I can find some ground beef, this weekend, I make tacos.

I’m a bit sad to miss the festivities in the US.  Don’t have much pride in the country anymore, but I do have pride in my friends and family and an excuse to be with them is something I can get behind.  Know that I envy you.  Also know that cards have been sent in the mail with a surprise in them for three lucky recipients.  Enjoy.

July 5, 2017

Not much to say about today.  I got groceries and even bought some ground meat and cheese to try and make tacos this weekend.  The Eiken classes coupled with the start of a new month, which means I need to cooperate with the other teachers for planning, has got me seriously exhausted and stressed.  An ordered mind hates it when uncertainty is thrown into the mix, after all.  Anyway, my classes were fine.  I have some smart kids and even if they struggle at times, if they try, it’s all worthwhile.

I probably earned the ire of someone today.  I might be off base, being, you know, a petty person and all, but I feel like I may have stepped on toes accidentally. I’m not going to worry about it.  I apologized and life goes on.  If someone else wants to be petty, it’s their issue, not mine.  I will not hold grudges, no matter how petty I can be.  I am saying I am petty a lot, aren’t I?  Petty.  Petty.  Petty petty petty.  Petty petty.  Okay, I’m done.  I’m probably better than I give myself credit, but I’d rather undersell than oversell.

July 6, 2017

Stressful day.  Apart from just the workload I’ve mentioned previously and planning for my teaching on Saturday, I had a new student added to my class when we were doing a semi-difficult topic for the adults and they weren’t quite ready for it.  They’ll try again and I’ll prepare an easier topic for them, but I’d had this topic ready for about a week, so changing it at the last minute would be…difficult.  So, I didn’t.  Anyway, we’ll see how it goes further down the line.

Tired.  Going to the bank tomorrow, but tired.  Gwent bandwagon again, but like Hearthstone I think I need to realize that no matter how much you like the game…it’s best to not play it.  It’s too easy to lose time in.  Dark Souls or Nioh or even Dragon Quest have some very pre-determined stopping points and that makes it easier to pace yourself.  Gwent’s “one more game,” mentality means you can easily lose sleep by just throwing yourself into game after game after game.  As I say this, I’ve already uninstalled and reinstalled it a bunch…so…hopefully this time it sticks?  I dunno.