A Fresh Start

A Fresh Start: March 6, 2018

            It’s been a while, hasn’t it?  Why now?  Well, you could say I was made an offer I couldn’t refuse…although, I could.  We all have choices.  Let’s perhaps say instead I was given the praise I have so often been missing in my life.  Not sure when updates will resume or how often, I’m leaning towards less due to how routine life can become.  But for now, let me give you the story thus far.

            Since December, I have been…very busy.  I took on some extra lessons for my city to teach some kids heading out to Australia for two weeks.  It’s easy enough work and reminds me of my time in China, with a similar ensemble style of teaching being employed.  It’s exhausting due to the odd hours but rewarding as well.  I feel a bit awkward doing it, but I feel awkward doing many things.  It’s not that different.  Life continued here in this tiny town without waiting for me.  I’ve been trying to catch up, in not so many words.  These new lessons mean my schedule of relaxing has been…chaotic.  I have had to cut down pizza and bath times greatly.

            On the flipside, I am enjoying some new things.  I continue to try new food and have found a winning combo of shitake alongside my usual fair when eating yakiniku.  My anxiety with teaching was high for a while, but as of now, it has settled.  I am still nervous, but I have been given encouragement that has helped me to relax, if only a little.  And, I have been busy here in town.  I have many things I want to do, but finding the will is hard.  I want to sleep a lot, but I also want to edit, read books, play games, and travel.  The latter has been the hardest.  With my weekends being cut in half, basically, I really just want to rest at home.  That ends this weekend, though.  Perhaps soon I can travel again.  I might enjoy that, if only for a day.

            My writing and my book continues on as it always has. It is slow but rewarding in its own way.  I struggle to sit down and write, despite the desire I have but always manage at least 2 hours most weeks.  The story is one I am proud of, though I do not know how others might feel.

            I have dealt with a lot of anger, in recent months. It’s something that exhausts me, to be honest.  Some of it is directed outwards, and some inwards, which leads to depression.  I have managed to cut a lot of that toxicity out of my system.  Much as I love Gwent, for example, it is not good for me.  It does not make me happy the way it used to. Being able to let go of the anger has been nice, but I am still lonely.  I have friends in town, but we’re all busy and even if we were not, I like my down time at home.  It’s a Gordian’s knot of unsatisfied feelings, some days.

            Enough of the maudlin crap, though.  I bought a Nintendo Switch.  I was waiting and waiting for a bit, but…well, let’s say that as much as I love Nier Automata, it wasn’t making me happy, it was very frustrating.  And as well designed as Culdcept Revolt is as a card game, the story bored me to tears.  So, I put both of those, and Gwent, aside and decided to splurge.  I bought a Switch and Zelda.  For that first week, I was the happiest I had been in months…maybe even years.  The beauty. The splendor.  The sheer unbridled fun.  The discovery…it was intoxicating.  Perhaps it’s good I finished it, as it can indeed be life consuming.  My opinion has cooled, but only slightly.  It is now my favorite Zelda game, despite a few small warts.  I also bought Mario Odyssey, Never stop Sneakin, and a few amiibos as part of this new wave of consumerism.  Why not?  For the first time in what feels like ages, I have the cash to do so.  The realization, the freedom, and the play have made me very happy.

            I caught up with Wakfu season 3 and some fan fics related to it.  It’s been nice, revisiting these old worlds and getting lost in the music and the splendor, alongside my new obsession, the Ancient Magus’s Bride.  I still have my love of Japanese culture and the enka that rotates around in my playlist is nice, as is my smooth video game jazz, but…there is something nice about these otherworldly things.

            That about brings us up to the present.  I have stressors and I am anxious about both a package I sent and one I am due to receive from the government, pertaining to me staying here.  However, I have faith it will work out, one way or another.  I have felt lighter, recently.  Perhaps it’s because of my haircut.  Perhaps I’ve just found a reason to smile again.  Work is easier, at least for today it was and my boss brought me thanksgiving microwaveable stuffing, which I have been craving.  I don’t know exactly how to feel in a lot of circumstances.  But life is good.  I don’t have any desire to return to the US.  Not until it gets its shit together.  For right now, Japan suits me fine.

            March will be a fresh start for me, in a number of ways.  I am hoping it is a sign of renewal.  I want to start dating again.  I want to travel more.  I want to, of course, keep writing and playing my games.  I want to show my family the world I have been so smitten with.  And I want to stride forward with some degree of certainty.  How much of that will happen?  I don’t know…but I’m going to keep walking.  See you in a bit.