Christmas Update

 Christmas update

Not sure if I’ll keep up with regular updates, but I feel that something should be said so that I don’t forget.  There’s still a lot of uncertainty in my life, however I’ve come to some interesting realizations.  For those who missed the memo, since my home is only insulated in my room, the kitchen and bathroom are freezing.  So, few people can understand the majesty of my cushioned and fur toilet seat that looks like a Scottish kilt.  Hehe, not even kidding, it’s really wonderful.

Now, trivial matters aside, I’ll say that I’ve felt more alive than I have in a damned long time.  Not entirely sure why, but I have my theories.  Part of it is that I’m getting back into something resembling a decent sleep schedule.  Part of it is that the Witcher 3, which, while fun, has been a life consuming endeavor, is almost over.  I’m almost finished with it.  And part of it is encouragement.

I’ve had good friends and family, people who want me to keep going, but professionally, I’ve seldom gotten the encouragement I needed.  I won’t really say much beyond that, but I feel positive about my work.  I may not be able to stay on for the next year, but regardless, I still feel good.  I’ve realized what I fear beyond most things is the unknown.  Having even some knowledge about how I’m doing is like a candle that I can focus on and it makes me feel good about life.  Which is, in a strange way, cyclical.  You feel good about yourself, you feel good about your work, you feel good in general.  It’s…nice.

I’ve realized my own realization over the last few days.  While I understand societal expectations, I feel that I am grossly out of practice. I know how to treat people, however the simple social niceties of life can often feel like a foreign language.  Still, I do my best and I’ve been given notes for how to improve.  And I will.  I have made mistakes in the past…I wish I could let them go though.  To move on, I mean.  Whatever happens, I am feeling optimistic and happy, regardless of how this journey ends.  I have a lot of plans in the future. Let’s see how they pan out.

Talked with an old friend from my China days recently.  She’s from the UK and has the snark and sass that I’ve often missed in life.  We had a good time catching up, but I am again reminded of how stunted I’ve been when it comes to social niceties.  She’s way better practiced at it.  Anyway, it was an interesting thought.  She had a rough patch with some of her work, but it does make me nostalgic for my time over in Beijing.  I will admit, however, that the nostalgia, I recognize, could prove to be a rose tinted bunch of nonsense, considering how China…can be a difficult place to adapt to.  I did it once though.  Maybe I’d do it again?  Japan will always be my first choice though.

Leading up to Christmas has been…difficult, to say the least.  I was fine the weekend before, but right before I started back at work, I got hit by a nasty case of Bronchitis. It got so bad that I couldn’t even drink or swallow on Wednesday, but thankfully, I was able to get to a doctor.  I got my medicine from him and the anti-inflammatory pills helped out immensely.  I was actually able to work that day, haha. It’s helped a great deal with the pain, but I’ve still been dealing with it for the whole week.

On a less terrible note, I got a very nice gift from a friend. He gave me a souvenir from Yamagata and it was frozen, yet microwavable burgers that were…just…amazing.  Wondrously delicious.  I wish I could buy them here in Natori, but no dice.  Still, a wonderful pair of meals for someone dealing with troubles.  It’s almost Christmas here, so I’m doing small updates and after Christmas day, this’ll get posted.  Alongside my friend, Gwent’s updated and I’m having way more fun with it, despite bugs, lag, disconnects, and other players being salty. Had to skip yakiniku though…I just feel too sick to and I don’t want the issues with my stomach.

My Christmas celebrations were…trying in a number of ways, but overall I still had a good time.  I spent Sunday doing a few errands, but some of them were fun and important for my enjoyment.  I got pizza and shopped for a few supplies, but most importantly, I bought a Christmas cake to celebrate the occasion.  I also talked with my family and struggled with a game.  You might wonder why that’s a point of contention, but the game, Christmas Nights, is a tradition for me.  My save data had been wiped and I couldn’t play, but fortunately, I found others with the same issues and backup saves online, so I was able to play my Christmas tradition game.  I smiled a lot this weekend.

Monday came and I got my KFC Christmas meal.  It was very good and I was happy.  I watched Saint Oniisan with it and I was happy.  I got a call from my school and had to cover for someone who got sick.  Not so happy anymore.  It felt like cruel irony, but I did it anyway.  Wasn’t as bad as I thought.  Everyone was kind to me and I didn’t have to cover a full day of classes, just a class for the young ones.  A few people, I know, might ask me the question, why not ignore the call or say you’re traveling or claim sickness(I am still recovering from Bronchitis and a cold, but that’s beside the point.) My answer is two-fold.  First, I am pathologically honest. When someone approaches me earnestly, I cannot lie to them, even for my own benefit.  It feels wrong. There is no honor in it.  The other answer is more…complex.  I remember watching the Overwatch Short, Honor and Glory.  There were a number of memorable lines there, but the one that resonated with me was, “I have been called. I must answer.” It’s just the way I’m wired. Honor can be a heavy burden, but I chose to bear it.  The world is a terrible place.  If I can make it a bit less terrible by answering the call for aid, then I will.  Always.  Even if I am tired or don’t want to, if I can walk, I must answer the call.  I don’t want others to suffer for my selfishness.  Life is unpredictable and these things happen.  I am a bit sad because when I got the call, I didn’t have much time to prep, so I probably looked tired and haggard.  An extra 30 minutes for a shower would have helped, but I needed to get there and get planning done.  So, I feel bad, I didn’t want my co-workers to worry about me.  I didn’t need to stay for a full day though, so I am counting it as a win, a Christmas present hidden within a trial.

This Christmas has been trying, as many of mine are, but I have had a good time.  It has been a good Christmas and I enjoyed it.  Smiled a lot this weekend.