May
23, 2017
So
much for regularity. I’ve discovered a
new holiday today. It’s the annual,
“Take Stephen’s self esteem out behind the shed and bash its head in with a
baseball bat,” day. Sigh. I know I have
issues that I need to work on. The
specter of my past, my poor handwriting has cropped up again and I want to
improve. I will be trying to improve it
with exercises in the morning, but…after 20 some years, there’s only so much I
can do. And I know I speak Japanese too
much. Trying to cut down on it. However, when I get roundly roasted for it,
and not in the constructive way, it doesn’t make a good recipe for good
teaching for the rest of the day. Hell, I’ve been chewed out before and it
blows. It blows hard. However, I continue on. Even if I have to crawl
to the finish line…which is kinda how today ended. My energy was at an all time low when classes
ended.
This blog is, as it has always been,
impartial and is not meant as a place for subtle jabs or spite. Shit’s sake, I can’t do subtlety. I’m about as straight an arrow as you can
find. Let me say that someone pushed me
today and while it will probably amount to nothing, it made me stumble. And that’s the end of it. If I don’t improve,
I’ll get fired, which is less scary now, but still, I do love living here, even
if the job is stressful. I don’t want to
leave.
I’m
trying hard to improve, both my teaching methods and from my time as an online
teacher. I had fewer issues to worry
about, like writing or material prep or delivery when I was online…but I
couldn’t live off the salary. Anyway, I just want to say that today hit an
all-time low. I will do the best I
can. And if it’s not good enough,
I’ll…figure something else out.
It
always looks bad at first, but somehow, I find a way.
-Samurai Jack
May
24, 2017
Today
wasn’t as bad as yesterday, but also not much of an improvement. I awoke feeling half dead from the previous
night’s stress and didn’t do any writing because of my stress levels. I got some letters addressed and sent out,
but other than that, I spent the day resting.
I’m more tired and beaten down than I have been in a while.
Today’s
lessons were pretty standard, however I also had an issue where I was being
observed by a parent, so a bit more on edge than normal. The kinder students also really drain
you. Their energy is hard to match. By god, I did match it, but holy hell did it
wear me out. Aside from that, I just feel the lingering criticisms on my back. I’m practicing my writing every day when I
have spare time now and I did most of my classes with no Japanese as an attempt
to improve. It was hard, however. Harder still is that I want to make
improvements to the curriculum or at least create something with my own flavor
to it, however my ideas either get scrapped because they were half baked or
take a long time to get ready, which is something I don’t have. I don’t have a lot of time for making new
stuff in between regular planning, planning for the following day, and getting
material ready. I also want to give
advice to anyone who wants to take an elitist attitude of “Well I could do
it.” That’s fantastic, chappie, but
you’re not me and you don’t know what I want to make or how I plan or what I’m
dealing with. So, don’t judge and don’t
compare. As I’ve said, comparisons, fair
or unfair, can often be unhealthy.
Gwent’s
open beta just went live, however. I’m
going to drown my exhaustion in card games. I will persevere in this until I
get more criticisms. Then I take my
hits, limp away wounded, lick my wounds, and come back stronger, if I can.
Week’s over half over. Let’s keep on
running.
May
25, 2017
God,
so tired…thankfully, Thursday, despite being arguably my longest day, has some
of my favorite students. It was
interesting in the late classes and fun in the early classes. I am still trying to improve, but paperwork
really got in the way today, as I have tons of stuff I had to sign myself, fill
out myself, etc. etc. for my apartment.
Sigh. I’m just tired. So.
Very. Tired.
What’s
worse, the revival of Gwent has kind of killed my interest in it. In changing how rarity works, they’ve made it
prohibitively expensive, tedious, and frustrating to get anything even close to
a competitive or fun deck and in a CCG, that’s the kiss of death for me. I opened like 50 packs because I was in
closed beta and got jack crap, while I’m going up against pay to winners who
are rolling with a total set. Time to
shelf it. Probably for the best. Bloodborne and Wolfenstein arrived
today. I am excited. I still need to finish Horizon Zero Dawn
first, because if I start up Bloodborne before finishing that, god knows, I may
never finish it. Or I may be weak and
play them simultaneously, alternating days.
It’ll be a good replacement for the time sink that was Gwent.
I
also seem to be making a friend. We have
4 full time teachers at my school and a number of part timers and I got invited
to dinner. I was already planning to go
out, actually, so I convinced my guest to join me for yaki niku tomorrow. We’ll see how that goes. If nothing else, he can help me find
something besides horumon to eat, which I liked, but was too chewy. One more
day to the weekend. I’m not going to
head out for a trip to the bath house or the like, but I will get some pizza, a
phone case, and probably soda and supplies from the Yamaya on Saturday.
Probably going to buy a fan on Sunday since the humid season in Natori can
leave mold growing in your clothes if you don’t dry them fast after a good wash
with a fan. Apparently. So…Ima do that.
May
26, 2017
Hello,
stress dream, I thought you left.
Ugh. I had another stress dream
of me waking up in the US having left this job purely out of stress. It was terrifying because I abandoned my
responsibility and fled. I…could never
do that, but the fact that I did in the dream tore at my heart. Then I woke up and I was still here in
Japan. A relief, but god it’s exhausted
me.
Sadly,
with all the stress, the lack of meaningful sleep, the exhaustion, etc. I
haven’t found the will to write this week save for some minor editing. I think that trend will continue today,
because I just don’t have it in me. I
need to do some self care and look after my body, with a bit of bed rest before
work. I hate doing this, but I’ve said
before, some days you just need to take care of yourself. Today is one of those days, apparently.
Ugh…so
tired…but must write before I forget. I
had a pretty good day today. Exhausting,
but the classes went well and I felt good about teaching them. After school, I got dinner with a friend at a
yaki niku restaurant and we had beef and pig tongue. My god, so delicious…so very delicious. I was blown away. It’s SUPER good. And I will be going back there again. A lovely dinner evening. Sadly, my plans to go to be early were blown
apart by Bloodborne. I enjoyed my time
with it, but I will regret this on the morrow.
And now, to bed.
May
27, 2017 – May 28. 2017
Combining
days here, since one was eventful and one was not. I spent my Saturday on a mission for both
convenience and food. I headed down to
the Aeon mall and bought myself a fan, which they delivered on Sunday, to dry
my clothes in summer to avoid mold growing in them. I was also looking for a nice phone case to
protect my phone. Sadly, all the cool
cases were Iphone only. I found one that
would fit my big clunker and went with it.
It’s a case that you attach your phone to with adhesive, since the backs
can be changed it’s not a huge deal, and it can slide out to allow you to take
pictures. We’ll see if this affects its
ability to be an alarm as well. I then
headed down to the Turkish/Italian/Japanese pizza place. Got myself a 4 cheese pizza that had a cream
base to it that was exquisite. After
that, I mostly spent time playing Bloodborne, which I fear will replace Horizon
Zero Dawn as my game of choice until I finish it It…is just so addictive. Finally, I got to talk to my best friend, who
is swamped, but made time for me, which was very touching.
Sunday
was more mundane. I didn’t get to sleep
much because of the previous week’s stress, so I had a hard time sleeping. I fell asleep around 7 or so and got up
around 1. I decided that tonight, I’d
got to bed at a decent hour to try and get back into my routine, so 12:30 or
1. The fan got delivered, I got KFC, and
I played a lot of Bloodborne, relaxed, did laundry, did my writing, and now
here I am, writing my journal. This was
a consolidating weekend, so no adventures.
I need to find some sun block when I head to the grocery store tomorrow
and figure out what to do about my medicine. Homework never ends, does it?
May
29, 2017-May 30, 2017
Bleh. It’s been a rough day. Typically, my beginning and end of the week
are easy, but the middle is a rough patch.
I got a surprise level check, so I couldn’t get a bento lunch, but it’s
cool. It’s part of being in this
team. You need to be flexible. Also, I can handle discipline with like…95%
of my students, but there are a few who are just crazy. Still worried about my teaching methodology,
as I think I may need to go a bit slower with the “Tell me about…” with some of
my students. Maybe I’ll put it on the
back burner as we review other grammar.
Do some in class, but also do other things. Still struggling to find a teaching worksheet
that I can craft and be happy with. I
have a few basic ones, like matching and pictures combined with the ideas
behind some, but…ehhhhhh, I dunno. I
worry I’m not as creative when it comes to the abstract as I am with
writing. For right now, I’m okay, I’m
expanding my use of teaching tools and covering some topics earlier than I did
before, which is good, the sooner students learn the Wh-?s, the better in my
opinion, provided they understand it.
Anyway,
this is going to be a moderately stressful week since I have to meet my
landlords on Thursday, so I’ll cut this a bit short and just say I love
Bloodborne. It’s got its frustrations,
but I have really enjoyed playing it. My
weapon of choice? The shorn off arm of
an elder god. It makes a handy dandy
club and scythe combo. Really fun
souls-like game. Frustrating, but in a
good way. And that’ll be all for now.
May
31, 2017
I’ve
not been planning well when it comes to my time not at work. At work, I tend to be on the ball, as I plan
a day in advance and created a flowchart for how learning should progress. Next month, I’ll be doing more collaborative
planning with the Japanese teachers, so…maybe it won’t be as easy for me, but
either way, that’s fine. At home though,
I have trouble writing on days not the weekend.
I’m also having trouble getting to bed on time, as I get engrossed in
other activities. It’s a frustrating
affair, and it leads me to sleeping in or to not wanting to do anything before
work. I mean, that’s not bad, it’s nice
I have the luxury of being able to do that, however…I also miss writing.
Anyway,
I talked with my bosses and their encouragement has been…well…encouraging. A lot of my bosses have been arbitrary or
supportive in a condescending matter, but everyone seems to think I’m doing
okay, despite my own misgivings. I admit
that I am getting better, however old neuroses die hard. Anyway, I think I’ll at least make the
year. I would love to stay longer
because holy hell this town is great.
Tomorrow I have a bit of frustration, as I need to meet my landlord
for…reasons? Well, whatever. Two more days then the weekend. Two more days then more yakiniku…I am looking
forward to it.
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